02-08-2014, 10:46 AM
Stage 1 November 1
The journey begins
BAMM are much hardhitting than WM. Turning some mind to slush.
First nights gave me some dreams concerning fear and shame(idol jury) and an idea of faceshaped gingerbreads
One week with BAMM and a cold seams to have melted my brain.
Halfway through stage 1 and brain is operational again. Had some fears concerning spontaneous, loss of teeth and/or splitting jaw.
New strange ideas spawns. Some might become lucrative.
Dreamed that I found 6000 danish dollars in front of a shop that someone had dropped and I gave them to the shopkeeper so the owner could be find them easier. Would have been nice to have kept them tho.
Resistance backlash
Stage 2 December 4
Insecurities about self-worth, confidence, love and the effect of subs.
the roller coaster continues
Stage 3 January 6
At the moment I'm really stressed out, frustrated, irritated and possibly quite angry and I am almost 'never' angry. Interesting and very uncomfortable feelings.
Moodswings
Sometimes all feels like I'm the BOSS and all sunshine, next day I might just want to bash everything to bits and set the rubble on fire. Bits, rubble and flying chairs wont help anyone.
It's almost like I can feel my mind being grinded into shape by the gears of a magnificent machine.
I have now recognized some "seek the challenge" behavior in that I find lots of skills I want to learn. And almost noting related to the work I 'have' to do in school. To bad it doesn't feel like I have the time.
I'm have trouble separating the tiredness that the sub can bring and actually being tired. In the mornings, (mostly weekends), I feel often awfully tired and the idea of more sleep are very appealing, but if I turn the sub off I have no problem getting up within 5 minutes. When the sub is playing, I can also have difficulties with focusing on my schoolwork.
Not much trigger existential/personality crisis like a "5G sub" to the knee...
Gaining new insights. Not big ones but they might snowball into a force to be reckoned with.
"I don't know."
What a convenient excuse for not taking a stand, to do nothing and hope the situation just drift away.
Too bad that I still use it, but it's a good thing to be aware about. Will try to change "I don't know." into "I have not decided".it will be a start.
Fears and worries are bubbling.
Fear of getting/not getting a job after school.
Fear of both change and stagnation.
Al in all. Ambivalence is a beach.
Hope stage 4 can provide with clarity.
The journey begins
BAMM are much hardhitting than WM. Turning some mind to slush.
First nights gave me some dreams concerning fear and shame(idol jury) and an idea of faceshaped gingerbreads
One week with BAMM and a cold seams to have melted my brain.
Halfway through stage 1 and brain is operational again. Had some fears concerning spontaneous, loss of teeth and/or splitting jaw.
New strange ideas spawns. Some might become lucrative.
Dreamed that I found 6000 danish dollars in front of a shop that someone had dropped and I gave them to the shopkeeper so the owner could be find them easier. Would have been nice to have kept them tho.
Resistance backlash
Stage 2 December 4
Insecurities about self-worth, confidence, love and the effect of subs.
the roller coaster continues
Stage 3 January 6
At the moment I'm really stressed out, frustrated, irritated and possibly quite angry and I am almost 'never' angry. Interesting and very uncomfortable feelings.
Moodswings
Sometimes all feels like I'm the BOSS and all sunshine, next day I might just want to bash everything to bits and set the rubble on fire. Bits, rubble and flying chairs wont help anyone.
It's almost like I can feel my mind being grinded into shape by the gears of a magnificent machine.
I have now recognized some "seek the challenge" behavior in that I find lots of skills I want to learn. And almost noting related to the work I 'have' to do in school. To bad it doesn't feel like I have the time.
I'm have trouble separating the tiredness that the sub can bring and actually being tired. In the mornings, (mostly weekends), I feel often awfully tired and the idea of more sleep are very appealing, but if I turn the sub off I have no problem getting up within 5 minutes. When the sub is playing, I can also have difficulties with focusing on my schoolwork.
Not much trigger existential/personality crisis like a "5G sub" to the knee...
Gaining new insights. Not big ones but they might snowball into a force to be reckoned with.
"I don't know."
What a convenient excuse for not taking a stand, to do nothing and hope the situation just drift away.
Too bad that I still use it, but it's a good thing to be aware about. Will try to change "I don't know." into "I have not decided".it will be a start.
Fears and worries are bubbling.
Fear of getting/not getting a job after school.
Fear of both change and stagnation.
Al in all. Ambivalence is a beach.
Hope stage 4 can provide with clarity.
"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be."
—Lao Tzu
"Unasked questions will not provide you with answers."
"When in doubt, do something. Do whatever you can and do it your way if you must."
—Me
—Lao Tzu
"Unasked questions will not provide you with answers."
"When in doubt, do something. Do whatever you can and do it your way if you must."
—Me
