12-08-2013, 02:40 PM
Day 17
I just got off a conversation with a friend of mine, someone who I have been able to speak to about my phases of depression alot - and it occured to me that my attitude has moved on quite alot since I started this sub.
For the most part I've not been paying a whole load of attention, so perhaps alot of these quite significant changes have crept up without my noticing.
I was recapping an embarrasing situation with her, and it occured to me that i wasn't embarrased. normally i would batter myself about what an idiot i have been, but my only thought was , was that it was funny, i was feeling insecure at the time, and i said things i wouldn't normally say, but that insecure person is not really me, and it's not who i'm becoming.
I was in total self acceptance! I would like to be able to report some ground breaking tangible results, but for me this is pretty ground breaking.
The only problem is that self flaggelation is how i've overcome my procrastination and laziness in the past - my self value and respect has gone up now so that just ain't gonna fly, i'm not going to beat myself up about anything - but the question is how do i operationalise the new values of getting things done, the faint idea that keeps ringing about my head is that, a person with self esteem and self respect follows through on what they want to do, but i'm still getting alot of resistance to getting the stuff i need to do well, done.
That goes for things like diet as well - i'v put on a shit load of weight, and am starting to take a little more care now, but it's a long road ahead if i want to turn all of this around.
17 days of a sub isn't going to be enough to reverse nearly 20 years of self loathing, and all the behaviours that go along with it. But I suppose i'm making good progress given thats where i'm coming from...in that sense I'm probably a really good test case for this sub.
I want to do this for 6 months, but part of me wants to cap it at 3 and jump onto AM6 if that is out by then. Being a mature, confident alpha is where I want to be more than anything. and much of what i aim to achieve with LTU 3 seems to be there in AM6 (from what I've heard)
I just got off a conversation with a friend of mine, someone who I have been able to speak to about my phases of depression alot - and it occured to me that my attitude has moved on quite alot since I started this sub.
For the most part I've not been paying a whole load of attention, so perhaps alot of these quite significant changes have crept up without my noticing.
I was recapping an embarrasing situation with her, and it occured to me that i wasn't embarrased. normally i would batter myself about what an idiot i have been, but my only thought was , was that it was funny, i was feeling insecure at the time, and i said things i wouldn't normally say, but that insecure person is not really me, and it's not who i'm becoming.
I was in total self acceptance! I would like to be able to report some ground breaking tangible results, but for me this is pretty ground breaking.
The only problem is that self flaggelation is how i've overcome my procrastination and laziness in the past - my self value and respect has gone up now so that just ain't gonna fly, i'm not going to beat myself up about anything - but the question is how do i operationalise the new values of getting things done, the faint idea that keeps ringing about my head is that, a person with self esteem and self respect follows through on what they want to do, but i'm still getting alot of resistance to getting the stuff i need to do well, done.
That goes for things like diet as well - i'v put on a shit load of weight, and am starting to take a little more care now, but it's a long road ahead if i want to turn all of this around.
17 days of a sub isn't going to be enough to reverse nearly 20 years of self loathing, and all the behaviours that go along with it. But I suppose i'm making good progress given thats where i'm coming from...in that sense I'm probably a really good test case for this sub.
I want to do this for 6 months, but part of me wants to cap it at 3 and jump onto AM6 if that is out by then. Being a mature, confident alpha is where I want to be more than anything. and much of what i aim to achieve with LTU 3 seems to be there in AM6 (from what I've heard)
Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
