Alpha 5.0

[mat422]

I'm just not sure where it could actually lead me though. You can't really make a living off of being an artist unless you are exceptionally talented and you know the right people. I just have to keep exploring possible options. Music is a really strong part of my life, if I don't get a chance to make music I feel like something is missing.

It's a bad feedback loop I've got though. I'll be depressed which makes it harder for me to enjoy things, so I can't do them, but because I can't do them I get more depressed. I'm trying though.

I used to think like you, then I realized I would rather be poor and fulfilled than rich and empty.

Also, you need to realize what is in your hands. Talent? Sure some are born with it, but you can always improve your skills.

Knowing the right people? All it takes are social skills, which can be learned and improved.

I myself am a long way from achieving what I want to in life, but I'm going for it because there's nothing else to live for. When you get to that place, you'll find your path. It may not be music, but you'll know it when you get real with yourself.

Have you seen Fight Club by any chance? Aside from being a great movie, there's one particular scene in it that really illustrates what I'm talking about. It's the scene Where Tyler Durden pulls a gun on an asian convenience store clerk and tells the guy he will kill him unless he goes back to school to finish becoming a veterinarian.

Watch the movie, and put yourself in that man's shoes. If you'd rather die than pursue your life's calling, then it probably isn't your life's calling. On the flip side, if you're willing to die while pursuing that same thing, it definitely is.

I've seen Fight Club, I know the exact scene you are talking about. Believe me I've been over those kinds of thoughts in my head all the time. Since high school when the pressure was to go to college. Something felt wrong about all of it, something felt wrong about all the ways people kept pushing others to do the same thing out of fear. It's taken me a while to break away from that influence. I think I haven't really found myself yet either, too many years of fear stunted my own growth.

I don't have a million dollars in the bank, but I am very rich. There are ways other than dollar bills to measure wealth. How am I wealthy? Well, I have freedom. I get up when I please, I go to sleep when I please, I work when, where and on what I please, and for as long as I please. I eat what I please, with whom I please. I spend my time with whom I please. I can take a day off whenever I like, or a week, or a month. This sort of freedom is very unusual, and definitely a source of wealth. I also own millions worth of IP, and half of this company and another one outright.

Mat, you can make money by selling your stuff directly to the audience online, and turn it into residual income. You don't necessarily need a producer or label of you know how to do those jobs yourself. And if not, find someone who does to help you. Turn it into your own business by supplying those who want what you create with what you love to create, and they love to have.

This gives you freedom, income and wealth... and eventually, done right, monetary wealth.

I've thought about it Shannon. If I could live a life like that, it would make my life worth living for. But I'm so stuck. I don't like saying I can't do something, there's always a way. I could give myself a schedule or deadlines to force myself to get better. But then I'm worried if the one thing I love will turn into something I hate. And part of it is probably all the conditioning I've felt that it's not "realistic". Also I've probably got some serious money issues, like not valuing myself enough to make money from my music. So many things are still holding me back and I've got so much anxiety lately because I just feel overwhelmed. And I can't brute force this, I've tried that for years and all it gets me is more frustration. I'm not giving up, but at the same time I feel like I'm paralyzed and going insane. I don't expect life to be easy or to skip out on hard work, but I just feel like maybe it isn't supposed to be this hard.