09-09-2010, 04:20 AM
The last couple of days have being really good. Sunday was really tough. Had a lot of issues come up but since Monday and Tuesday it's felt like something has clicked. It's a feeling of knowing that I can accomplish anything I want but at the same time I don't take myself so seriously. Like I have goals but I'm also willing to go with the flow a bit more and not be so rigid. I'm also much happier in general. I'm feeling a bit more chilled out but also want to get things done. My mind is generally cleaner of negative thoughts.
When I was on the tube into London on Tuesday I sat opposite a row of seats. At different points in the journey all of those seats had attractive women in them and by the end of the journey I had smiled at each one of them and they had smiled back.
I'm starting to have a feeling of what real indifference means. To me it means being responsible for your own fulfilment, whether that fulfilment be joy, feeling validated, sexual expression, feeling good about myself. I realised that if I can give those things to myself then in a sense I can "fill my cup". When your cup is overflowing then you have extra to share with others and that's when women are the most attractive but it's also when I feel most indifferent because I'm already full and I don't need someone else to give me what I think I lack.
I'm also for real now practicing the law of karma that I talked about from Fallout 3. I know it's just a game but then again that's like saying Matrix is just a film. I'm really seriously practicing just giving for the sake of giving (but knowing in the back of my mind that the universe will give back in fun and unexpected ways).
When I was on the tube into London on Tuesday I sat opposite a row of seats. At different points in the journey all of those seats had attractive women in them and by the end of the journey I had smiled at each one of them and they had smiled back.
I'm starting to have a feeling of what real indifference means. To me it means being responsible for your own fulfilment, whether that fulfilment be joy, feeling validated, sexual expression, feeling good about myself. I realised that if I can give those things to myself then in a sense I can "fill my cup". When your cup is overflowing then you have extra to share with others and that's when women are the most attractive but it's also when I feel most indifferent because I'm already full and I don't need someone else to give me what I think I lack.
I'm also for real now practicing the law of karma that I talked about from Fallout 3. I know it's just a game but then again that's like saying Matrix is just a film. I'm really seriously practicing just giving for the sake of giving (but knowing in the back of my mind that the universe will give back in fun and unexpected ways).
