Alpha 5.0

[Patti]

Hey Mat,

I've come to the conclusion recently that I am one of the unfortunate people who resists these programs to the point of physical illness.t So basically I'm taking a break from listening to anything. I'm a little bummed because I really wanted to start AF in September, but it just seems silly to start it if I can't finish it. One of the frustrating things for me is that anyone else in my family that listens to these programs do not seem to have any trouble with them and actually flourish from them. I'm the only one that has such a strong negative reaction. I took an online test the other day that suggested that I have a fear of change (which I knew and think that is huge with me), I have both a fear of success AND a fear of failure (how's that for a double whammy?!), a fear of unworthiness and a fear of losing my identity. So basically I'm living my life in fear. or so that test said. I guess I just have so many deep seeded issues that I can't get past at this time. I still have faith in subliminals, well Shannon's anyway, so maybe I'll try listening again when I'm a little stronger both mentally and physically.

The point is, I know your struggle and much of how you feel. I know how hard some days can be just to get out of bed and go to work or do whatever you need to do. I had thought if I would have only had these programs when I was your age, I wouldn't be as stuck as I am now at my age. I am so in such awe of your strength to push through and move on one day at a time. And I know it's hard to see the positive changes that happen but we can all see in your posts that you are definitely moving forward. Just keep going....you're inspirational!

That's really unfortunate. How physically ill do you get? I'm always amazed by the individuals who flourish from these subliminals. But I look forward to the day when I can flourish too.

Thanks for the kind words Patti. It means a lot to me. This is really the only place I've ever been open about my struggles in life. So it's nice to hear from everyone else around here who might deal with the same hardships. We all have the strength to push on, if there's one thing I've learned it's that even when you think you can't, you most likely can. Hopefully you can get back to the subliminals soon and continue on your path for growth.

I actually get debilitating anxiety that brings on intense nausea. This past time I could hardly get out of bed for 2 and 1/2 weeks. I was vomiting every morning, basically nothing because I couldn't eat anything. Understand that it's not just the sub but also my life in coordination with them. The sub just seem to make me too weak (for now) both emotionally and physically to be able to deal with situations that arise here. I think the thing is for me Mat, if I lived by myself and I might be able to push through. But I don't have the luxury of time or aloneness and I just have too many people that depend on me, to be broken down to be rebuilt by the subs (right now). I have to be one of the strong people in my family. I do think I'll use them again when things calm down here and I also believe it can be a good thing to take a subconscious break. I've been listening consistently to one sub or another for about 2 years now. I had to go back on medication but I kinda think that might not be such a bad thing for when I do start to listen to the programs again. It might help to keep my anxiety at bay a little. I can handle a lot of what the subs brings but anxiety that strong that brings on nausea like that I just can't handle. I guess I have some deep seated issues that are possibly complex.