01-10-2013, 01:01 PM
Been away from the forum for a while. Had a streak of down days and was just taking time to recover from that. I'm really just trying to put one foot in front of the other. Current goal is seeing a therapist. But this is proving to be a difficult task. Mostly because the last guy I went to didn't seem to have empathy at all for my situation. And now I've got a bad impression of what opening up to a stranger is like. I don't need someone to push me, if anything that's going to mess me up more. I need outside perspective from someone else because I am unable to remain unbiased. I'm hard enough on myself already. I just want someone that can hear what I have to say and then tell me where my thoughts need to be corrected. If things don't work out I can always just stop going, but like I said before I should at least try it.
Not really sure if the sub is working out that well. I've still got a lot of shame or guilt associated with going to a therapist. Just a lot of feelings of people silently judging and thinking they are better because they can do it all on their own. Or someone saying that all therapists are a scam. Yeah that's gonna help a depressed person's mood, tell them a source of help is a waste of time. I'm just sick of some people walking around pretending that they know how things work when really they are just operating from their own biased perspectives. The more I think about it, the more I realized I tend to go through life like a scientist. I've got a hypothesis or something I want to test, test it out trying to remain as unbiased as possible, then record my experience in my head.
I've been getting plenty of sleep, but I'm still tired. Got at least 11 hours of sleep today and woke up with that same fogged up brain feeling. Mentally I'm not sharp at all, I feel like my thoughts get jumbled up at times or when I'm typing I throw in a word that doesn't belong. I'm probably not actually getting 11 hours of sleep, the anxiety probably keeps me up at some level and prevents me from getting deep restful sleep.
Not really sure if the sub is working out that well. I've still got a lot of shame or guilt associated with going to a therapist. Just a lot of feelings of people silently judging and thinking they are better because they can do it all on their own. Or someone saying that all therapists are a scam. Yeah that's gonna help a depressed person's mood, tell them a source of help is a waste of time. I'm just sick of some people walking around pretending that they know how things work when really they are just operating from their own biased perspectives. The more I think about it, the more I realized I tend to go through life like a scientist. I've got a hypothesis or something I want to test, test it out trying to remain as unbiased as possible, then record my experience in my head.
I've been getting plenty of sleep, but I'm still tired. Got at least 11 hours of sleep today and woke up with that same fogged up brain feeling. Mentally I'm not sharp at all, I feel like my thoughts get jumbled up at times or when I'm typing I throw in a word that doesn't belong. I'm probably not actually getting 11 hours of sleep, the anxiety probably keeps me up at some level and prevents me from getting deep restful sleep.
