12-31-2012, 09:13 AM
I realized that as long as I have unnecessary fear in my life, my actions will always be fueled by fear. I don't want to have fear push me into something I have no desire to do.
My uncle was telling me how I should go back and get a bachelor degree, because it will pay for itself in the future. No. Especially if it's something that I'm doing just because I feel I need to and haven't explored other options. I'm sick of everyone pushing everyone else into debt and saying that once you get hired for a job you'll be able to pay off student loans. My uncle is still paying off his debt, that's not the kind of life I want to live. Maybe if I knew I wanted to get a degree in a specific area of study, I'd go for it. But at this point it feels like I wanted to get it just because everyone has been telling me that you need one to make it in the world.
By the time I graduate, who knows maybe a bachelors degree will be as useful as an associates. And then you have to get a masters. Then what? When everyone gets masters, you have to go for your doctorate? A level beyond doctorate? Maybe they'll have to invent one. 10 years ago college was a big deal, now almost every degree is watered down because of the over saturation of individuals with degrees.
I think what I need to do is save up money after finding a job, any job. Move someplace else, explore life for a while, and stop feeling the need to conform to what everyone tells me about get a degree, get a job, save for retirement, die. I'll be honest, that depresses me.
I'm sick of it all. I'm sick of feeling like people telling me "this is the way it is and you should do as I say, otherwise who knows what will happen". Life is so fickle. If I start making money just so I can live comfortably when I'm older, there's no guarantee of that. What if I get hit by a car and die? Then what? My entire life would have been wasted by saving up for something that never came.
This is how it's been for me since high school. Contemplating life, contemplating careers, future goals. I've always felt there is something wrong. I don't know if that was the world pushing down on me or me being depressed and projecting out into the world. Sometimes I look at the way things are and I can't stand it. I feel like for me my life has been composed of 90% suffering and 10% happiness.
I feel like most of my family thinks the answer to my problems is to "get out there" and start doing something with my life. I've always felt it doesn't matter where I go, what I do, what I accomplish, the problem is internal, not external. If I don't fix the inside, my external reality will always be a reflection of that. People who don't deal with that internal struggle just can't put themselves in my shoes, and I don't blame them. But I have to do what is good for me, not what other people think is good for me. Of course I'll heed advice and acknowledge something that can help me, but I won't blindly latch onto someone's every word.
My uncle was telling me how I should go back and get a bachelor degree, because it will pay for itself in the future. No. Especially if it's something that I'm doing just because I feel I need to and haven't explored other options. I'm sick of everyone pushing everyone else into debt and saying that once you get hired for a job you'll be able to pay off student loans. My uncle is still paying off his debt, that's not the kind of life I want to live. Maybe if I knew I wanted to get a degree in a specific area of study, I'd go for it. But at this point it feels like I wanted to get it just because everyone has been telling me that you need one to make it in the world.
By the time I graduate, who knows maybe a bachelors degree will be as useful as an associates. And then you have to get a masters. Then what? When everyone gets masters, you have to go for your doctorate? A level beyond doctorate? Maybe they'll have to invent one. 10 years ago college was a big deal, now almost every degree is watered down because of the over saturation of individuals with degrees.
I think what I need to do is save up money after finding a job, any job. Move someplace else, explore life for a while, and stop feeling the need to conform to what everyone tells me about get a degree, get a job, save for retirement, die. I'll be honest, that depresses me.
I'm sick of it all. I'm sick of feeling like people telling me "this is the way it is and you should do as I say, otherwise who knows what will happen". Life is so fickle. If I start making money just so I can live comfortably when I'm older, there's no guarantee of that. What if I get hit by a car and die? Then what? My entire life would have been wasted by saving up for something that never came.
This is how it's been for me since high school. Contemplating life, contemplating careers, future goals. I've always felt there is something wrong. I don't know if that was the world pushing down on me or me being depressed and projecting out into the world. Sometimes I look at the way things are and I can't stand it. I feel like for me my life has been composed of 90% suffering and 10% happiness.
I feel like most of my family thinks the answer to my problems is to "get out there" and start doing something with my life. I've always felt it doesn't matter where I go, what I do, what I accomplish, the problem is internal, not external. If I don't fix the inside, my external reality will always be a reflection of that. People who don't deal with that internal struggle just can't put themselves in my shoes, and I don't blame them. But I have to do what is good for me, not what other people think is good for me. Of course I'll heed advice and acknowledge something that can help me, but I won't blindly latch onto someone's every word.
