12-20-2012, 11:36 PM
(This post was last modified: 12-21-2012, 01:37 AM by alphatrial4.)
Haha.. Yes. It's definitely a little bit of the affirmations, but the change seems much more natural so it must be the subs.
I didn't have to chase anything down in meditation.. when you said that, i was struck instantaneously
1. I'm afraid of enjoying the sub, and therefore spending more money on subs, especially with the prices rising and tempting titles such as WM and BAMM
which means
I'm afraid of relying on something that costs money for my happiness/success
which means
I'm afraid of being poor
which means
Im not sure if what I do has enough value to the world to bring me a good income (I am an artist).
2. I don't like relying on something that I "didn't do" for my self growth.
Which is kind of silly I guess, as the resistance that is coming up I still have to deal with. IT's not like subs are necessarily an easy way out. In fact we have to face more faster
Another thing that popped up is, the subs take a lot of energy -- what if they're taking my energy in the wrong direction. I.E. What if being an alpha male is not really the best path for me?
That is merely an example, because I'm pretty sure I want to be an alpha male, and that is in my destiny. I don't think this program really takes our energy in any other direction other than where we want it to go... (it makes us a better man and whatever endeavor we're already doing). And I have inherent leadership qualities anyway, they've just been obscured by self-doubt and conflicting desires..
But what if I did BAMM for instance, without having a TRUE desire to become a multi-millionaire. Wouldn't that just waste energy I could have for other pursuits? I suppose it would only be recommended to do something like BAMM if we really wanted it, but what if someone did it for a very egoic fear based reason, instead of their hearts desire? Would it still even work? Personally I don't think I want to be a multi-millionaire, it seems like a lot of effort to maintain, and as an artist I have other things to do. I do want to solve the "money puzzle" in my own way however, I just don't know if being a multi-millionaire is precisely the way to do it. If I did BAMM without truly wanting to be a multi-millionaire (but with the intent of fixing my money problems), couldn't it potentially fuck up my life, or I could encounter MASSIVE resistance - Since it doesn't seem like being a millionaire is part of my "life path?"
I guess i've just been pondering on how our own true desire/life purpose relate to how the subs manifest/are effective
Anyway, since this is an honest journal I'll put my doubts here, but I don't mean to downplay the positive expression of what the subs have done (seen above) :-).
EDIT: since writing this, I had a glimpse of a moment completely free from all of these emotions - in which I really experienced my ALPHA self Fully. It seems that I am dealing with severe anxiety and deservingness. Seems like rapid growth is happening.. Its very painful. I've been awake all night - So much energy (from anxiety) burning up
I didn't have to chase anything down in meditation.. when you said that, i was struck instantaneously
1. I'm afraid of enjoying the sub, and therefore spending more money on subs, especially with the prices rising and tempting titles such as WM and BAMM
which means
I'm afraid of relying on something that costs money for my happiness/success
which means
I'm afraid of being poor
which means
Im not sure if what I do has enough value to the world to bring me a good income (I am an artist).
2. I don't like relying on something that I "didn't do" for my self growth.
Which is kind of silly I guess, as the resistance that is coming up I still have to deal with. IT's not like subs are necessarily an easy way out. In fact we have to face more faster
Another thing that popped up is, the subs take a lot of energy -- what if they're taking my energy in the wrong direction. I.E. What if being an alpha male is not really the best path for me?
That is merely an example, because I'm pretty sure I want to be an alpha male, and that is in my destiny. I don't think this program really takes our energy in any other direction other than where we want it to go... (it makes us a better man and whatever endeavor we're already doing). And I have inherent leadership qualities anyway, they've just been obscured by self-doubt and conflicting desires..
But what if I did BAMM for instance, without having a TRUE desire to become a multi-millionaire. Wouldn't that just waste energy I could have for other pursuits? I suppose it would only be recommended to do something like BAMM if we really wanted it, but what if someone did it for a very egoic fear based reason, instead of their hearts desire? Would it still even work? Personally I don't think I want to be a multi-millionaire, it seems like a lot of effort to maintain, and as an artist I have other things to do. I do want to solve the "money puzzle" in my own way however, I just don't know if being a multi-millionaire is precisely the way to do it. If I did BAMM without truly wanting to be a multi-millionaire (but with the intent of fixing my money problems), couldn't it potentially fuck up my life, or I could encounter MASSIVE resistance - Since it doesn't seem like being a millionaire is part of my "life path?"
I guess i've just been pondering on how our own true desire/life purpose relate to how the subs manifest/are effective
Anyway, since this is an honest journal I'll put my doubts here, but I don't mean to downplay the positive expression of what the subs have done (seen above) :-).
EDIT: since writing this, I had a glimpse of a moment completely free from all of these emotions - in which I really experienced my ALPHA self Fully. It seems that I am dealing with severe anxiety and deservingness. Seems like rapid growth is happening.. Its very painful. I've been awake all night - So much energy (from anxiety) burning up
