12-18-2012, 08:10 AM
So last night I had a really extreme dream. Just this feeling of raw fear. I don't even really remember the content of the dream. It was just, painful almost. It was a strange dream because I felt the fear in a different part of my body. Like it was attached to my side and it was drilling through my skin.
This prompted me to reassess how this subliminal has been making me feel. Fear has definitely been minimized. I'm not superman, but yeah things just seem more doable. It's doing something for sure. And it just makes me think of all the people that say that you can't get rid of fear, you have to face fear, fear is with you for the rest of your life, make friends with fear, etc. Fear is and always has been, in my eyes, a prison. And fear is used to control a lot of the time. People have been rationalizing for years why they need fear only because they didn't know any other way of dealing with it. I've always been curious of doing a brain scan of an extreme sports athlete and comparing their brain activity to that of a person who would not partake in those activities out of fear.
Anyway, something else I'm trying to come to terms with is guilt. I've been having a hard time with depression for a while now. Ups and downs, pushing through, congratulating myself, things getting a little better, and growing. But there's always this guilt that I'm feeling this way. My situation isn't bad, and it just frustrates me why I have these feelings. I think the overcome fear sub is allowing me to be more honest about how I've been feeling. I've always had a fear of what others think because depression has such a stigma attached to it. And what happened was I kept pushing and pushing, and when I didn't feel better I felt guilty and like I wasn't trying hard enough. That other people could overcome all this, and I just couldn't.
Well right now I'm taking a different stance. I'm acknowledging that it's there and seeing help. I can't choose to feel any other way throughout the day. I can prevent myself from getting overly negative and digging myself deeper into a hole though. It's better for me to not expend so much energy in trying to change that feeling and just focus on not putting so much unnecessary guilt on myself. Because telling myself I need to try harder or to fix all this on my own just does the opposite and makes me feel worse.
And also I've only had my own life experience to go on. I'm pretty introspective and feel like I know myself inside out. But admittedly I'm biased, and because of that sometimes it makes it impossible for me to be objective about my situation.
This prompted me to reassess how this subliminal has been making me feel. Fear has definitely been minimized. I'm not superman, but yeah things just seem more doable. It's doing something for sure. And it just makes me think of all the people that say that you can't get rid of fear, you have to face fear, fear is with you for the rest of your life, make friends with fear, etc. Fear is and always has been, in my eyes, a prison. And fear is used to control a lot of the time. People have been rationalizing for years why they need fear only because they didn't know any other way of dealing with it. I've always been curious of doing a brain scan of an extreme sports athlete and comparing their brain activity to that of a person who would not partake in those activities out of fear.
Anyway, something else I'm trying to come to terms with is guilt. I've been having a hard time with depression for a while now. Ups and downs, pushing through, congratulating myself, things getting a little better, and growing. But there's always this guilt that I'm feeling this way. My situation isn't bad, and it just frustrates me why I have these feelings. I think the overcome fear sub is allowing me to be more honest about how I've been feeling. I've always had a fear of what others think because depression has such a stigma attached to it. And what happened was I kept pushing and pushing, and when I didn't feel better I felt guilty and like I wasn't trying hard enough. That other people could overcome all this, and I just couldn't.
Well right now I'm taking a different stance. I'm acknowledging that it's there and seeing help. I can't choose to feel any other way throughout the day. I can prevent myself from getting overly negative and digging myself deeper into a hole though. It's better for me to not expend so much energy in trying to change that feeling and just focus on not putting so much unnecessary guilt on myself. Because telling myself I need to try harder or to fix all this on my own just does the opposite and makes me feel worse.
And also I've only had my own life experience to go on. I'm pretty introspective and feel like I know myself inside out. But admittedly I'm biased, and because of that sometimes it makes it impossible for me to be objective about my situation.
