12-14-2012, 12:04 PM
Today I feel a little better. I had a real heart to heart with my mom about how I've been feeling lately. I'm not really open with either of my parents. The things I've struggled with I always tend to keep to myself and want to fix on my own. I just hate telling anyone about how I really feel. I feel like some of my social anxiety is carrying around those feelings and trying really hard to not expose that part of myself. Or just having to fake it sometimes, so I don't seem out of place.
Anyway I went over some of my old posts and they are full of ups and downs. The subliminals have defninitely changed me. I know I've changed, I'm not the same guy I was a couple of years ago. But there is a consistent pattern I've felt in my life. And it's just sometimes I have to stop being so headstrong and really take a good look at things. For the amount of negatives that I tend to get caught up in, I'm actually a really optimistic and positive person. I don't give up easily and I'm always striving to find a way to move past my obstacles.
But here's where things get a little tricky. I'm paranoid almost. Beliefs and the subconscious mind tends to make me have a black and white attitude that I'm so prone to. So if I'm feeling depressed, I tell myself no and ignore it. I'm so hooked on the idea that our thoughts manifest reality and sometimes I'm worried about some of the things that pop up. I tell myself that I'm getting better, which is a great thing to say if it's true. But at what point do I have to realize that lying to myself isn't always the best idea? I feel like when things are bad everything is my fault, that I did this because I just wasn't positive enough. At times it's seriously screwed with my empathy for others. Because while I was in my power through it stage, I minimize everyone else's feelings and close off because sometimes being reminded about how I feel deep down inside bothers me. I'm not being very articulate here. But I guess what I'm trying to say is, I like being positive but I also want to be realistic.
And it got me thinking. When I was a kid I had poor eyesight. I had an astigmatism in my left eye and consequently developed a lazy eye because my right one decided to work only. I got exercises from a doctor, made a full recovery of my lazy eye, but I wear glasses or contacts to this day. My left eye has a defect. I read a book recently about healing eyesight. For what it presented it could work for individuals with poor eyesight because of bad habits or progressive weakening because of over prescribed glasses. But unless I can physically change the lens or cornea of my left eye, I will never have perfect vision. That's the fact. Can my body actually reshape my cornea? I'm not sure, I'd try it with subliminals, but even those have the extent of their power that I'm not sure of.
What I'm getting at is the brain is an organ, just like any other part of the body. It's not immune to it's own defects or problems. I have to at least consider the fact that this is a possibility. And leaving it out completely based on personal bias would be foolish of me. And like anything in life medication isn't set in stone, maybe I'll only need it for a while and I'll be able to turn things around. The way I see it, I don't expect just medication to solve everything. I'm doing my own therapy, subliminals, and in combination with the medication hopefully things can get better.
Anyway I went over some of my old posts and they are full of ups and downs. The subliminals have defninitely changed me. I know I've changed, I'm not the same guy I was a couple of years ago. But there is a consistent pattern I've felt in my life. And it's just sometimes I have to stop being so headstrong and really take a good look at things. For the amount of negatives that I tend to get caught up in, I'm actually a really optimistic and positive person. I don't give up easily and I'm always striving to find a way to move past my obstacles.
But here's where things get a little tricky. I'm paranoid almost. Beliefs and the subconscious mind tends to make me have a black and white attitude that I'm so prone to. So if I'm feeling depressed, I tell myself no and ignore it. I'm so hooked on the idea that our thoughts manifest reality and sometimes I'm worried about some of the things that pop up. I tell myself that I'm getting better, which is a great thing to say if it's true. But at what point do I have to realize that lying to myself isn't always the best idea? I feel like when things are bad everything is my fault, that I did this because I just wasn't positive enough. At times it's seriously screwed with my empathy for others. Because while I was in my power through it stage, I minimize everyone else's feelings and close off because sometimes being reminded about how I feel deep down inside bothers me. I'm not being very articulate here. But I guess what I'm trying to say is, I like being positive but I also want to be realistic.
And it got me thinking. When I was a kid I had poor eyesight. I had an astigmatism in my left eye and consequently developed a lazy eye because my right one decided to work only. I got exercises from a doctor, made a full recovery of my lazy eye, but I wear glasses or contacts to this day. My left eye has a defect. I read a book recently about healing eyesight. For what it presented it could work for individuals with poor eyesight because of bad habits or progressive weakening because of over prescribed glasses. But unless I can physically change the lens or cornea of my left eye, I will never have perfect vision. That's the fact. Can my body actually reshape my cornea? I'm not sure, I'd try it with subliminals, but even those have the extent of their power that I'm not sure of.
What I'm getting at is the brain is an organ, just like any other part of the body. It's not immune to it's own defects or problems. I have to at least consider the fact that this is a possibility. And leaving it out completely based on personal bias would be foolish of me. And like anything in life medication isn't set in stone, maybe I'll only need it for a while and I'll be able to turn things around. The way I see it, I don't expect just medication to solve everything. I'm doing my own therapy, subliminals, and in combination with the medication hopefully things can get better.
