Disconnect from negativity within

[mat422]

Congratulations, Mat. Now don't expect, but also don't be surprised if, there are more steps to be taken. Allow yourself to acknowledge your victories, but don't put all your eggs in one basket; there may be more work to do. And if there is, then don't throw away the good you have accomplished.

Thanks Shannon. I guess I get so hyped up haha, but I'll be sure to remember this day and know that it is possible and not just a pipe dream.

Something interesting that happened that I became aware of, mostly due to that tangled knot of personal issues that effect me, there's never just one thing I find. So fear, I find, heavily suppressed my ability to express anger and frustration at people in a healthy manner. And I took to trying to release anger because I saw it as a "bad" emotion, which was really just the fear causing me to retreat because I was worried about the consequences of expressing it. So I'm pretty sure I had a lot of internalized anger because I never had an outlet for it, but I'm seeing now how anger is a normal emotion and also has to be expressed.

Now even more of a realization. I've found that in my past my resistance to taking on alpha male qualities was not because I liked being more of a pacifist, but because of hidden fear of dealing with confrontation. It's funny how my mind developed all these defense mechanism that I started to see as the truth instead of acknowledging the problems deep down. The fear that held me back and I just started to rationalize around that fear until I firmly believed everything I told myself.