11-25-2012, 02:33 PM
(11-24-2012, 06:57 PM)mat422 Wrote: I can't live the rest of my life in fear, it just makes everything so dark and hopeless. And my fear is more directly related to other people. I feel like I'm a sensitive person. I tend to not trust other people. I can't put into words how I feel most the time. I just feel like people are dangerous to me. And I don't want that. With all my logic I've reasoned how trustworthy people can be, but subconsciously there still exists that inability to feel at ease. This is what's baffled me for years now. Lately anxiety is minimal, no racing heart, no shallow breathing, no racing thoughts. But it exists and it tends to cause me to avoid things. Obviously the answer is to keep pushing my comfort zone, but it's tough and I'm trying but it's not easy.
I guess my biggest issue I'm facing is I'm still living with my parents and unemployed. It's not like I'm lazy, things are just really rough and I'm just kind of lost. I'm 21 now, I just don't feel like I'm independent. I still feel like a kid with all my fears and problems. I'm just surrounded by people who are ahead of me and I feel like I constantly compare myself to them. I don't like making excuses, but at the same time I wonder how they would be doing if they were in my shoes. Sometimes I feel like I'm running a race with an invisible boulder strapped to my leg.
I dont have the mind or the energy to be articulate right now but I'll give it my best shot.
From what you wrote in those 2 paragraphs describes what I've went through the better part of my life from age 15-25. From my searching around the internet I think you and I and maybe even Yuri too are either HSP (hypersensitive people) or Empaths. They are related but Empath pretty much takes the thing to the extreme.
For myself I'm extremely distrustful of people in reality nowadays. I've been manipulated, mislead, kept around merely for expertise or to be used as a scapegoat of some kind to the point where I've lost friends because I look like the crazy one and the one I consider not so benevolent beneath the surface gets my so called friends allegiance. I dont condone all my actions in the past and I wish things could be different but thats obviously outside of my power.
Even with people that could make potential friends or at least good acquaintances I always find a way to make sure they dont get close to me. I feel like you do that people are dangerous and that if I somehow let them get to know the "real" me somehow they will ruin me in the end. With men and women I will distance myself if things feel too easy or I end up too chummy with them. Sometimes in subtle ways and sometimes in not so subtle ways but my subconscious makes sure it happens.
Unlike like becoming more self confident or a alpha male per se I dont believe that this is a matter of pushing boundaries. I think that people like ourselves tend to draw in the needy, the stragglers, and sometimes the users as well. In my case at least I always try to put up a tough facade so that it would perhaps deter people from seeking shelter from me as strangers like to confide in me whether to be a listener or caretaker that can shoulder their emotions and problems at least for a little while. The facade doesnt work as people still come to me pretty much randomly wanting help from me.
The idea is for us as hypersensitive and/or empath individuals to not get too drawn in or lost in other people's energy especially when they can cause us to be really down on ourselves or out of whack as well. Using subliminals to maximize our emotional strength and prevent negative energies from taking hold of us is key. I think once your mindset is clear and fear/guilt/shame/self worth issues are dealt with you'll be more equipped to trust others in the long run. I used to wear reiki (semi precious) stones for certain qualities. I'm sure theres certain stones you can wear to create a bit of a barrier between you and other people's energies. Just a suggestion.
As far as your last paragraph goes I'm in your shoes and I've had at least 4 more years of experience of that particularly. You have to stop making the comparisons for one. We are nothing like the typical go getters or financially security seeking individuals out there. We obviously need to sustain ourselves like anyone else but only through proper learning and nurturing of ourselves can we begin to once and for all transform from the cocoon to the butterfly.
People of our nature have special needs and that took me a very long time to understand. Once you get your emotional health in order you can work on your own abilities. The tough thing about finding a career choice for us is that we can't accept the mundane (I do this so I can live) life. What I'm saying is that its hard for us to do a job that goes against our grain as people. It burns us out and leaves us more than simply unhappy.
Once you start finding your range as an individual whom is uninhibited, free of fear, guild, shame, self esteem issues you'll see the path clearer as to what you should do with your life. You should do a job that enables you to use your abilities as a HSP/empath and is congruent with your ideals/ standards. Your good with people even if you don't want to admit it. You have a special sensing/ awareness that allows you to help and guide others. Your able to see if people are showing their true selves to you or if they are trying to sell you a particular "version" of themselves.
You know why you cant describe how you feel most times? We feel on a higher plane than average people do. Our feeling is akin to how a dog smells the world. Thats who we are. You can't put that into words.
If Yuri and Matt are Goats, I'm a rabbit. We usually get along well and I can say without a doubt we operate on similar wave lengths. Never stop using your introspection to guide you and never stop using Shannon's subs to improve yourself. You'll be alright my friend.
