11-13-2012, 01:29 PM
I'm starting to doubt why I do things. I'm starting to notice that nearly everything I say our do has at least a tiny wanting people to like me. I guess that has to do with fear of being alone, or being punished our something. Ask day I just kinda felt "off" as cortez describes it. I'm just not quite myself there is more hesitation. On a positive note I think I let go of alot of wanting to control this program. I just am letting this program work and I'm not worrying about it so much. Last night I had a great moment of freedom. There has been a bunch of pressure on me in school and from my family and teachers. They all wanna know what I'm gonna be when I get older. They say that I can do anything I want but at the same time I know they dont believe that. They are basically forcing me into college. I always felt the need to please them or make them proud or something. Last night though was an incredibly freeing moment. I realized I can just be myself. I could do what I genuinely want to do with my life. I can do whay I want. I've been told that my whole life, but everyone has there own agenda for me. It's such a huge relief to understand that I have my own choices in life.
