(10-12-2012, 08:09 PM)Spiral Wrote: "Well I say why not? Life doesn't have to be hard if you don't want it to be."
That's money Mat! Why the hell not! do what you are doing now man. Focus on the positive. Practice deep breathing meditation lying down then to it sitting up. focus on fully relaxing your face, limbs, shoulders.. all muscles until they are completley loose. And if you have to let yourself slump into horrible posture. anything for you to practice loosening up and quieting that mind of yours. I bet it's tough.. but I bet you are holding onto alot of these emotions and it's just so hard for you to let go of them. You may be repressing them continuously instead of letting them go gradually. I'll admit.. I still cannot let go of some thoughts instantly.
(EDIT but now i don't beat myself up about it anymore) But now all it takes me is a few normal deep breaths and a minute and I focus on something else. And I find while taking deep breaths it's absolutely impossible to hold on to the previous thoughts before the inhale.
I know you ran alpha male twice... I have as well. but not back to back. Alpha male has it's pros and cons. I experienced new anxiety.. or maybe old. But either way I had anxieties brought back up about myself and the world around me. Like will the world allow me to achieve what I want to achieve. Can I push myself to get the necessary things I need done done and continuously do this throughout life. Will I ever get anywhere. Lots of these questions popped back up. I was tense... very stressed from stages 2-5... the tension was built up and I didn't know how to release it. It was critical I ran the SM refresher. My stomach relaxed my shoulders are relaxed. My mind is relaxed. I am at ease. Yet I recognize that I must make change for myself. Do awesome things with my life and inspire others. SM has given me that positive momentum again. I had it at the end of AM but now it's balanced. Where I'm not anxious to get anywhere. I know things take time.. I just have to relax as much as possible and do one thing at a time. Same goes for you. Take this one thing at a time. Slow and steady will win the race.
I don't know if you are doing any meditation practices but I guess you should look back into it. And I know I suggested you run SM. It may take you in the direction of more socializing and becoming more intune with women and making you think about them more but it will also mellow you out and get you on track for huge positive change i think. And what also comes to mind is Self love and Appreciation subliminal. I really want to run that soon.
I hope I helped some. Alot of this is just jibberish
EDIT: re: my edit in the 1st paragraph.. That's huge for you I think. You beat yourself up way too much. Holy crap dude that was huge for me when I finally said I don't need this s#$% It took a long time though.
Thanks Spiral. I'm really going back to practicing mindfulness, meditation 24/7 pretty much. You're right I am repressing stuff, it's like willpower holding back the negative, but it gives me a huge boost. It runs out though. I have 2 extremes, either overwhelmingly positive or overwhelmingly negative. Both of those aren't realistic for me right now. I find that I'm reluctant to feel the deeper emotions and let them flow in and out of me because I fear I'll get caught up in it and it will start dragging me down. So it's ok to not feel at the top of my game 24/7, but I have to be careful to not allow those thoughts to gain more power. And part of that is I beat the crap out of myself way too much. Instead I should focus on how those negative thoughts aren't me and they may invade my mind on occasion, but it's not who I truly am. I find that I'm taking on more of an attitude of well I'm feeling a little down and I'm not exactly where I want to be right now, but I can get there so there is no point in trying to make myself feel worse.
I'll have to look into SM. My money is a bit low right now, still have to get a job. But I was thinking of giving alpha 5.0 a go. The idea of sex magnet, although tempting, isn't really what I want to go for. At this point in my life women would be a bit of a distraction because I really need to focus on building up my skills and becoming self sufficient. And I've been mellowing out a lot lately, anxiety is tied to fear and I tend to respond to fear with unnecessary aggression. But now that I'm getting rid of that fear and becoming more positive I'm not seeing people as a threat which allows me to just be my naturally charismatic self.
(10-13-2012, 05:59 AM)Sean Wrote: Mat, that's an excellent epiphany, and you've made it so quickly after your previous progress. It sounds like things are really heating up for you to make a massive transformation in how you see and treat yourself. Keep it up!
Thanks Sean. I guess it was a bit of a breaking point. It all started when I had to call up an employer on the phone to get some info. I had anxiety the night before the call, couldn't get a decent nights rest, and then the day of the call I was considering putting it off. At the time I was having breakfast and then I just sat there in complete silence and thought to myself "Is this really how you are going to live your life? In fear of something that you really can handle if you put your mind to it?" So after that I listened to some music to get me pumped up, said screw it I have to do this because you don't get anywhere hiding. The anxiety burned me out for the rest of the day, but I made sure to congratulate myself for pushing through the fear and doing it anyway.
After that I realized that even though I'd have days where I was down or unsure of myself it's gonna pass. Happiness is the default state, as long as you don't keep throwing negativity over it, it will be there for you. And of course the subliminals are, as always, an absolute life saver when it comes to this stuff. It just gives you that edge to really change your life.
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As a quick note as my mood improves I'm beginning to take on the mentality of "hey I could probably do this on my own!" But I know how much the sub has helped me, I'm very tuned into how these programs work. And with subliminals lately I've been seeing them like a force that just keeps pushing you and giving you momentum to change yourself. Because that's where all the change is anyway, internal. In the past I was constantly obsessed with is it the subliminal or me? Which is foolish because the subliminal is the driving force behind the change you make yourself. I'm seeing how I was really resistant to the changes in the past and that caused a lot of inner turmoil. In the end the change is up to you, 5G has definitely crushed my resistance, but I'll be honest that I still struggle with resisting. And all that resistance is just tied to fear, but the interesting thing about fear is no matter what the situation it's still the same feeling. So I've conquered fear in the past, which means I can conquer fear again. I can feel the more my subconscious beliefs shift, the more of a reflection I can see in my conscious mind.
