08-21-2026, 02:30 AM
I felt better today.
Another weird thing, another old friend messaged me and with the other one I can only attribute it to something in stage 1. I used to goto her place for gatherings to play card games but then her boyfriend who I initially got along with started being a dickhead to me, one night I had enough and told him to stop his shit and then I told her directly after that that I won't be coming anymore because of him.
Haven't really heard from her since I went there one day and talked to her about it. It's weird she suddenly messaged me, as opposed to the other friend I instantly got a negative feeling when I thought about replying as I don't really want to be in that environment again even if they boyfriend was gone, which I don't think he is.
I was thinking earlier that i'm noticing some other stuff from stage 1, but not necessarily confidence and such, though I haven't been out for a few days until today.
I don't really feel different, but when I went out today it showed that I was projecting something different. Picking up a package at the post office the girl who served me was basically just rude, I said "how's it going" and she didn't reply, was just like "address" and "id" and of course she was the bitcy, aggressive type from her vibe. So that's fine, because i'd rather push away girls like that anyway.
I went to the pool after that, and though I didn't feel massively different I was comfortable. Talked to a guy i'd said hi to and talked to briefly a few times but neither of us really engaged much, it's the most i've ever talked to him. Then in the sauna was talking to him, a woman from last time (who told me not to join the organization another guy was talking about) and a few others. It was almost again like a couple of us talking were the centre of attention.
I also noticed reactions from other guys, like the more quiet ones some of them almost wary, or upset, or just looking at me in a weird way. It's seeming like the confident, comfortable kind of guys are engaging, the others seem slightly upset or annoyed or just stare at me weirdly. But that's fine, I have to get used to that.
So it shows I was projecting something different, and acting different in talking to different people that I usually wouldn't.
I can see that it projects more and happens more with people I don't really care about much like other guys first, as opposed to with girls which is where most of my baggage, insecurities, past neediness and such is, aswell as a higher level of fear.
Another weird thing, another old friend messaged me and with the other one I can only attribute it to something in stage 1. I used to goto her place for gatherings to play card games but then her boyfriend who I initially got along with started being a dickhead to me, one night I had enough and told him to stop his shit and then I told her directly after that that I won't be coming anymore because of him.
Haven't really heard from her since I went there one day and talked to her about it. It's weird she suddenly messaged me, as opposed to the other friend I instantly got a negative feeling when I thought about replying as I don't really want to be in that environment again even if they boyfriend was gone, which I don't think he is.
I was thinking earlier that i'm noticing some other stuff from stage 1, but not necessarily confidence and such, though I haven't been out for a few days until today.
I don't really feel different, but when I went out today it showed that I was projecting something different. Picking up a package at the post office the girl who served me was basically just rude, I said "how's it going" and she didn't reply, was just like "address" and "id" and of course she was the bitcy, aggressive type from her vibe. So that's fine, because i'd rather push away girls like that anyway.
I went to the pool after that, and though I didn't feel massively different I was comfortable. Talked to a guy i'd said hi to and talked to briefly a few times but neither of us really engaged much, it's the most i've ever talked to him. Then in the sauna was talking to him, a woman from last time (who told me not to join the organization another guy was talking about) and a few others. It was almost again like a couple of us talking were the centre of attention.
I also noticed reactions from other guys, like the more quiet ones some of them almost wary, or upset, or just looking at me in a weird way. It's seeming like the confident, comfortable kind of guys are engaging, the others seem slightly upset or annoyed or just stare at me weirdly. But that's fine, I have to get used to that.
So it shows I was projecting something different, and acting different in talking to different people that I usually wouldn't.
I can see that it projects more and happens more with people I don't really care about much like other guys first, as opposed to with girls which is where most of my baggage, insecurities, past neediness and such is, aswell as a higher level of fear.
