Ok i'm about at the point of stopping this other thing, it's been 11 days of using the iteracare wand which is basically a frequency healing type device and still little sense of confidence, no feeling masculine or grounded and such and feeling more timid still since starting it like it's definately conflicting. I don't know why, but tonight after going out with my friend and still feeling like that i'm at the point i'm going to stop it even though it's giving promising physical results with one of my annoying physical symptoms.
The confusing part is my interest in working out and training is increasing while the confidence and projection of masculinity seems derailed.
So exploring it a bit it might be that it's working energetically or on blockages, and opening meridian points and such may have something to do with it conflicting, but I don't really know. I just know that 11 days is enough for me to see it's likely not just what I thought of the self-sabotage trying to blame it to stop me looking at what's going on internally, as I did do that and let myself feel it as I wrote a few posts ago.
Of course what's fucking annoying is it really seemed to be something stage 0 guided me to. I had a dream one night, woke up thinking "I need to add something else to help physically" and explored options and that one felt like the best one out of the devices I have. But I guess it wasn't guidance as it did conflict and derail stage 0. When I stopped NAC stuff come back from stage 0 within a few days, so stopping the iteracare wand now hopefully it starts to come back, if it does it confirms that it was conflicting, but I swear even though it doesn't make sense that i'm not making it up.
This way my mind is using to self-sabotage is sophisticated. Because legitimately both times with NAC and with this I had a dream then woke up with this seeming guidance, both times it conflicted.
But then i've had stuff come up like inspirations for my training and working out which is improving it and that is legit. But I can't really identify the difference between the 'guidance' and what seems to be but isn't when it comes up, only the effect it has after.
Anyway, I went out to some shops earlier and felt a little anxious. But then felt kind of comfortable but strangely awkward. Then it kind of went to feeling like I was repulsive or strangely intimidating to others. Like going into a clothes shop usually the women working there say hi, but not at all today like I was projecting a "don't talk to me" vibe.
Tonight my friend asked if I wanted to got an art thing. Went there and it was shit, like a very little room with like 5 shit artworks, so we left after like 5 minutes and I went with him when he was driving around doing stuff and chatted for a few hours.
So now my 2 nights off, then 1 more cycle of 4 days on, 2 nights off then the next day goto stage 1. It's taken me a few times trying to figure that out, 4 months is 120 days which ends up at the 15th to move onto stage 1 I believe. Hopefully that's correct.
The confusing part is my interest in working out and training is increasing while the confidence and projection of masculinity seems derailed.
So exploring it a bit it might be that it's working energetically or on blockages, and opening meridian points and such may have something to do with it conflicting, but I don't really know. I just know that 11 days is enough for me to see it's likely not just what I thought of the self-sabotage trying to blame it to stop me looking at what's going on internally, as I did do that and let myself feel it as I wrote a few posts ago.
Of course what's fucking annoying is it really seemed to be something stage 0 guided me to. I had a dream one night, woke up thinking "I need to add something else to help physically" and explored options and that one felt like the best one out of the devices I have. But I guess it wasn't guidance as it did conflict and derail stage 0. When I stopped NAC stuff come back from stage 0 within a few days, so stopping the iteracare wand now hopefully it starts to come back, if it does it confirms that it was conflicting, but I swear even though it doesn't make sense that i'm not making it up.
This way my mind is using to self-sabotage is sophisticated. Because legitimately both times with NAC and with this I had a dream then woke up with this seeming guidance, both times it conflicted.
But then i've had stuff come up like inspirations for my training and working out which is improving it and that is legit. But I can't really identify the difference between the 'guidance' and what seems to be but isn't when it comes up, only the effect it has after.
Anyway, I went out to some shops earlier and felt a little anxious. But then felt kind of comfortable but strangely awkward. Then it kind of went to feeling like I was repulsive or strangely intimidating to others. Like going into a clothes shop usually the women working there say hi, but not at all today like I was projecting a "don't talk to me" vibe.
Tonight my friend asked if I wanted to got an art thing. Went there and it was shit, like a very little room with like 5 shit artworks, so we left after like 5 minutes and I went with him when he was driving around doing stuff and chatted for a few hours.
So now my 2 nights off, then 1 more cycle of 4 days on, 2 nights off then the next day goto stage 1. It's taken me a few times trying to figure that out, 4 months is 120 days which ends up at the 15th to move onto stage 1 I believe. Hopefully that's correct.
