Rebirth Of A Natural Alpha

[WildFlower]

In one sense I see where my teacher is coming from. He wants me to do well and succeed and he is 100% behind me. He wants to bring out the best in me, that is what he loves to do with his students and of course we all love him for it.

In another sense I'm easily upset with anyone who I feel is impatient with me right now because my top priority is to be emotionally healthy and it's like no one (except my close family) knows what's happened to me and so no one can understand why I haven't put in the time like I should have done.

The last time I was like this I was in film school. I got really depressed at one point and I just needed to slow down but some teachers got a bit annoyed with me, they thought I was slacking and being lazy but actually what was happening was that I was recharging.

I guess in a couple weeks in won't matter, I'll be more into my routine and I'll be getting along fine with my teacher and enjoying my classes again. It's just at the moment it's really getting me down.

Maybe at the beginning of being an alpha it necessary to become more selfish (in a healthy way) and make sure my needs are being taken care of. It's like I went for a full system reset and although in the long run it's will be for the best in the initial stages people are going to misunderstand and get annoyed with me. It happened in film school and I think it's happening again.

You are way more observant than I am, because these few chapters sum up the same thing that happened to me during Stage 2, 3 and half of stage 4 during the Alpha set but I only became aware of it after I had emerged from the cocoon as a butterfly. Props for noticing the change.

You yourself are changing so likewise peoples reactions to you will change also. The period of change during Stage 2 in particular does very much feel like a 'recharging', a 'healing' process, not at all selfish but I can see why others may see that - it feels like you are looking 'in' far more than you are looking 'out'. Just stay faithful and rest assured other peoples intolerance to either a noticeable increase in your self-confidence or your apparent external apathy due to redirecting energy inward, will all soon disappear. I enjoyed the first 3 stages as I felt my confidence increase day by day, but it was during stage 4 that people started to really accept it.