09-20-2012, 08:56 AM
Just a little update. I'm kind of breaking out of a slump I was in. What I'm realizing is I'm a certain type of person and I've always been worried about not fitting into the world. But everyone is so different, and to just compare myself to others is just going to stress me out.
But growing up my dad had a lot of anger issues and he was very short tempered. He was a great father and I have two other brothers. I'm the middle child. Out of all of us I feel like I'm the most sensitive. I feel like I was impacted a lot by him in that I moved towards my mother as a role model instead of my father. And now I believe I have a very very poor perception of masculinity. I believe I've talked about this before, but I've noticed I do my best to steer myself clear of the stereotypical image of a man.
I don't like the clean cut look, never really have. I don't care for suits. I've just got a really relaxed style and lately I've just been growing my hair out longer. What bothers me is I have strong anxiety about presenting more like what society expects a man to look like. And I'm not sure if that's due to me internalizing a lot of the bad traits that go along with that or it's anxiety because I hate being told what to do or who to be.
I think a lot of it might be symbolism. When the media tends to portray men in suits as power hungry, greedy, corrupt individuals it's like why would I want to be like that? For me the negative stands out more and even though you can be a great guy in a suit, my immediate thoughts aren't too positive. And symbols are a really powerful thing in society.
But growing up my dad had a lot of anger issues and he was very short tempered. He was a great father and I have two other brothers. I'm the middle child. Out of all of us I feel like I'm the most sensitive. I feel like I was impacted a lot by him in that I moved towards my mother as a role model instead of my father. And now I believe I have a very very poor perception of masculinity. I believe I've talked about this before, but I've noticed I do my best to steer myself clear of the stereotypical image of a man.
I don't like the clean cut look, never really have. I don't care for suits. I've just got a really relaxed style and lately I've just been growing my hair out longer. What bothers me is I have strong anxiety about presenting more like what society expects a man to look like. And I'm not sure if that's due to me internalizing a lot of the bad traits that go along with that or it's anxiety because I hate being told what to do or who to be.
I think a lot of it might be symbolism. When the media tends to portray men in suits as power hungry, greedy, corrupt individuals it's like why would I want to be like that? For me the negative stands out more and even though you can be a great guy in a suit, my immediate thoughts aren't too positive. And symbols are a really powerful thing in society.
