08-17-2024, 02:17 AM
Welp Yesterday was my last day of OGSFv2:
I have to say the last 3 month's were a challenge where I just wanted to stop but stopping subs/exps is not my thing : P,
Yesterday was funny enough the most interesting one..
When I was done with work I ran to the wrong bus. (I was in a hurry for a package being delivered..)
So when I found out I stepped out the first stop, Wich resulted in me having to walk back to the last bus station wich was mainly road...
Luckly there was some grass on the road where I could walk and somehow was able to get back just in time for the right bus. (the interesting part of this is that in the past I had a huge fear of crossing a road without jaywalks but I have to say I handled it pretty good)
also all of this happend during heavy raining..
Luckly I was able to get the package..
Same night using the sub/exp for the last time I was thinking about death again..
not about wanting to die but the opposite this time about how scary and creepy it would be to be gone one day..
It also made me scared of my dark home that day hehe..
so yeah that was Yesterday..
In generale I also found out that most of my fears shame and guilt are based on low Self esteem and Self confidence meaning I really need to use SD next week.
even though I'm able to express myself alot more and even being able to correct my nephews a few times (although to be fair I used to be more scared of my Sister and my Brothers wife and I used to be for my 2 nephews them selfs)
I'm still trying to figure out what an Uncles job is to begin with.. (the wonders of being the youngest sibling hehe xD)
I also have this weird thing were at one point I fully believe everything will be okay and everything will be horrible in the future..
I'm sure SD and both AM will fix this though.. I also learned that I need to stop expecting things to be ultra perfect though..
This is in Part of my Impatient nature though.. Like expecting that package being able to cooldown my whole house (it does purify air at 10km disstance after all..)
So I told myself that I'm going to use SD and AM7 more than once so that I can fix my problems at a more peacefull pace..
as Shannon said:
"I don't want you to try to grow too fast. That's like trying to heal too fast, and it doesn't usually end with the desired results. Yes, grow. Yes, push yourself. No, don't back yourself into a situation that makes you lose all hope and want to die as your only perceived escape!"
and he is right so i'm going to spend more runs with future subs..
I have to say the last 3 month's were a challenge where I just wanted to stop but stopping subs/exps is not my thing : P,
Yesterday was funny enough the most interesting one..
When I was done with work I ran to the wrong bus. (I was in a hurry for a package being delivered..)
So when I found out I stepped out the first stop, Wich resulted in me having to walk back to the last bus station wich was mainly road...
Luckly there was some grass on the road where I could walk and somehow was able to get back just in time for the right bus. (the interesting part of this is that in the past I had a huge fear of crossing a road without jaywalks but I have to say I handled it pretty good)
also all of this happend during heavy raining..
Luckly I was able to get the package..
Same night using the sub/exp for the last time I was thinking about death again..
not about wanting to die but the opposite this time about how scary and creepy it would be to be gone one day..
It also made me scared of my dark home that day hehe..
so yeah that was Yesterday..
In generale I also found out that most of my fears shame and guilt are based on low Self esteem and Self confidence meaning I really need to use SD next week.
even though I'm able to express myself alot more and even being able to correct my nephews a few times (although to be fair I used to be more scared of my Sister and my Brothers wife and I used to be for my 2 nephews them selfs)
I'm still trying to figure out what an Uncles job is to begin with.. (the wonders of being the youngest sibling hehe xD)
I also have this weird thing were at one point I fully believe everything will be okay and everything will be horrible in the future..
I'm sure SD and both AM will fix this though.. I also learned that I need to stop expecting things to be ultra perfect though..
This is in Part of my Impatient nature though.. Like expecting that package being able to cooldown my whole house (it does purify air at 10km disstance after all..)
So I told myself that I'm going to use SD and AM7 more than once so that I can fix my problems at a more peacefull pace..
as Shannon said:
"I don't want you to try to grow too fast. That's like trying to heal too fast, and it doesn't usually end with the desired results. Yes, grow. Yes, push yourself. No, don't back yourself into a situation that makes you lose all hope and want to die as your only perceived escape!"
and he is right so i'm going to spend more runs with future subs..
