I have to report this. I was going to deliberately let this go, but it’s too much. I won’t be able to go into too much detail for multiple reasons, including my really terrible memory (there seems to also be trauma there).
I’m not sure if this is something people will tend to experience on OGSF2 or if this is just the nature of my path and OGSF2 just removed the limits from me experiencing this. Me explaining this stuff isn’t going to communicate the significance of this deeply personal experience, but I at least want to document that I had it.
Before we get into the experience, a little bit of extra stuff that happened leading up to it.
The other day I was socializing with friends, but I was kind of standofish. I didn’t want to engage, so I mostly occupied my time with focusing on not allowing my pain to control me or define me. It reminded me of my days on AM6. I noticed that a lot of the time I would speak up from a compulsive place and this would lead to bad results. I got tired of being a social taker so eventually just decided to enjoy the moment as much as possible and not let my trauma affect me, since it was essentially trying to make me feel like a weirdo for just standing off to the side by myself.
I was able to feel mostly normal during, but when I got home all of those feeling suddenly hit like a truck and I felt like shit. Shame seemed to be the leader of the pack of emotions I was experiencing, but fear too. I became paranoid that everyone hated me. I knew it was my state but it was really hard to not be affected in the moment. I felt further from my goals than ever.
I woke up the next day feeling amazing. I had some fluctuations and felt like I was still far from my goals and like I’m really far behind on my journey. Now we get to the reason for this post.
I just woke up in the middle of the night, but when I was lying in bed falling asleep (having just hit play on OGSF2), I started to relax profoundly. Now again, my memory of this event isn’t perfect and trying to explain it in too much detail seems to make it hard to recall (I think it’s a fear or trauma response). So I’ll just be flowing and what comes out comes out, however imperfect.
Anyways, I’m relaxing, and I’m thinking about things and I don’t remember the exact insights I was having but then I suddenly have this realization while having this insight about how everyone is like a plant growing in a direction about how when I benefit them and me things tend to grow like a plant in a positive direction (kind of a weird metaphor to explain, but my mind is weird and abstract). Can’t remember all of the detail and nuance right now, but anyways, I have this sudden realization, that is kind of based on a decision to let go instead of pure logic, that I am everything. I relaxed into this profound feeling that honestly I can’t remember and it’s kind of disappointing because that’s where a lot of the significance came from and I can’t even explain that lol.
But essentially it was this profound feeling of love and brilliance where I kept having epiphanies and it felt like everything was becoming easier and easier as I “surrendered”. I felt like I was vibrating.
In my dreams after falling asleep that experience followed me in a capacity. After one dream, I experienced another where I was enveloped by that love, that’s like this relaxing blanket, and reflecting on the beautiful and terrible nature of reality. The pain of my past was tempered by the emerging appreciation and love I’ve been developing. The content of the dream was incredibly ordinary. It was me staring at a tv in the top corner of my room.
Not trying to overblow my experiences or anything, in some ways I’ve undersold them, in others I’ve made them out to be more important than they are. In a way they feel incredibly ordinary to me but also profound and uplifting. I suppose most people won’t get much value from this post, but I just wanted to express it for its own sake and also for future me. If you do get value out of this post, then sick!
Anyways love you all, I’m gonna go back to sleep lol. Also thanks for being awesome Shannon! You’ve changed my life, and these experiences you are creating are amazing! I can’t wait to see where this takes all of us.
I’m not sure if this is something people will tend to experience on OGSF2 or if this is just the nature of my path and OGSF2 just removed the limits from me experiencing this. Me explaining this stuff isn’t going to communicate the significance of this deeply personal experience, but I at least want to document that I had it.
Before we get into the experience, a little bit of extra stuff that happened leading up to it.
The other day I was socializing with friends, but I was kind of standofish. I didn’t want to engage, so I mostly occupied my time with focusing on not allowing my pain to control me or define me. It reminded me of my days on AM6. I noticed that a lot of the time I would speak up from a compulsive place and this would lead to bad results. I got tired of being a social taker so eventually just decided to enjoy the moment as much as possible and not let my trauma affect me, since it was essentially trying to make me feel like a weirdo for just standing off to the side by myself.
I was able to feel mostly normal during, but when I got home all of those feeling suddenly hit like a truck and I felt like shit. Shame seemed to be the leader of the pack of emotions I was experiencing, but fear too. I became paranoid that everyone hated me. I knew it was my state but it was really hard to not be affected in the moment. I felt further from my goals than ever.
I woke up the next day feeling amazing. I had some fluctuations and felt like I was still far from my goals and like I’m really far behind on my journey. Now we get to the reason for this post.
I just woke up in the middle of the night, but when I was lying in bed falling asleep (having just hit play on OGSF2), I started to relax profoundly. Now again, my memory of this event isn’t perfect and trying to explain it in too much detail seems to make it hard to recall (I think it’s a fear or trauma response). So I’ll just be flowing and what comes out comes out, however imperfect.
Anyways, I’m relaxing, and I’m thinking about things and I don’t remember the exact insights I was having but then I suddenly have this realization while having this insight about how everyone is like a plant growing in a direction about how when I benefit them and me things tend to grow like a plant in a positive direction (kind of a weird metaphor to explain, but my mind is weird and abstract). Can’t remember all of the detail and nuance right now, but anyways, I have this sudden realization, that is kind of based on a decision to let go instead of pure logic, that I am everything. I relaxed into this profound feeling that honestly I can’t remember and it’s kind of disappointing because that’s where a lot of the significance came from and I can’t even explain that lol.
But essentially it was this profound feeling of love and brilliance where I kept having epiphanies and it felt like everything was becoming easier and easier as I “surrendered”. I felt like I was vibrating.
In my dreams after falling asleep that experience followed me in a capacity. After one dream, I experienced another where I was enveloped by that love, that’s like this relaxing blanket, and reflecting on the beautiful and terrible nature of reality. The pain of my past was tempered by the emerging appreciation and love I’ve been developing. The content of the dream was incredibly ordinary. It was me staring at a tv in the top corner of my room.
Not trying to overblow my experiences or anything, in some ways I’ve undersold them, in others I’ve made them out to be more important than they are. In a way they feel incredibly ordinary to me but also profound and uplifting. I suppose most people won’t get much value from this post, but I just wanted to express it for its own sake and also for future me. If you do get value out of this post, then sick!
Anyways love you all, I’m gonna go back to sleep lol. Also thanks for being awesome Shannon! You’ve changed my life, and these experiences you are creating are amazing! I can’t wait to see where this takes all of us.
