Day 87:
huh almost 3 month's done,
Anyway the last 4 days have been interesting:
Monday: I got Criticised at work again this time because I apparently used the wrong bucked and I opened up gloves in the storage room (but I'm also not allowed to walk in the kitchen so I didn't know how else I was supposed to pick them up..) and got told to clean up the bucket
because he thought I was done with it while I wasn't, meanwhile I got frozen and couldn't speak up and also got the childisched attitude of fine I'm not doing anything for the rest of the day... (wich was only 30 min left anyway but still..)
Later after work my friend cancelled our meeting because he sadly got more task for his work so that was another dissapointment
and I slowly started asking why I'm still alive anyway playing a little with suicide (not a proud moment of mine and I'm lucky I'm still to scared to do that hehe.. also I know it's not worth it in the end anyway)
(more context about that S word: before this week I got more cancelled plans with friends and simmulair dissapointments and stress.. not to mention feeling like a failure since I always struggled to get a job in the first place..)
Tuesday: Boss forgot that I asked day's off to take care of my dog for my last 2 remaining work days, Luckly he remembered it after I told him, Unlike last year where it became a drama..
Also the worst Part of everything was when I almost lost my Dog without even knowing... I needed to be called by my mother (who was on vacation at the time hence why I needed days of).
Luckly she was back home when I went to our main house (I live in the garden studio..) but someone was at the door, The town people who apperently brought my dog back home.
After finding out about everything I got pretty much broken and sorry to the point where I wanted to cry, untill I had a talk with my sister in law and a app group chat with my friends who helped me calm down and told me that they also almost lost there dog at one point.
Wednesday: After the event of the day before I got to play video games with my niece in the afternoon and with my nephew in the evening, While my Sister in law was cleaning up the house for my mother and I got invited to eat at there home, So I also got to see my brother again
, Also my Nephew told me he loved me wich was sweet .
Yesterday: My sister in law was back to continue cleaning the house while I got to play games with my nephew again : ),
Also My Mother and Sister came back from vacation with a gift for me.
wich makes me wonder if the shit that happend at the beginning of the week, Happend in order to increase my bond with my familly?
Because I also realised how weak I still am despite all the subs/exps I did.. (also didn't help I messed up my first 3 ones..)
I guess I'm just impatienced and mayby the bad stuff happend in order for me to improve or something?
1 thing I know for sure is: AM7 is going to beat the shit out of me and I guess more bad stuff will happend in life.
if 6G isn't out by the time I'm done then I think I'm going to use EHPRA 6, Even if it means I may need to spend more money..
Because It's obvious I still have a long way to go when it comes to my emotions (and mayby it might reduce my minor seizure attacks..).
huh almost 3 month's done,
Anyway the last 4 days have been interesting:
Monday: I got Criticised at work again this time because I apparently used the wrong bucked and I opened up gloves in the storage room (but I'm also not allowed to walk in the kitchen so I didn't know how else I was supposed to pick them up..) and got told to clean up the bucket
because he thought I was done with it while I wasn't, meanwhile I got frozen and couldn't speak up and also got the childisched attitude of fine I'm not doing anything for the rest of the day... (wich was only 30 min left anyway but still..)
Later after work my friend cancelled our meeting because he sadly got more task for his work so that was another dissapointment
and I slowly started asking why I'm still alive anyway playing a little with suicide (not a proud moment of mine and I'm lucky I'm still to scared to do that hehe.. also I know it's not worth it in the end anyway)
(more context about that S word: before this week I got more cancelled plans with friends and simmulair dissapointments and stress.. not to mention feeling like a failure since I always struggled to get a job in the first place..)
Tuesday: Boss forgot that I asked day's off to take care of my dog for my last 2 remaining work days, Luckly he remembered it after I told him, Unlike last year where it became a drama..
Also the worst Part of everything was when I almost lost my Dog without even knowing... I needed to be called by my mother (who was on vacation at the time hence why I needed days of).
Luckly she was back home when I went to our main house (I live in the garden studio..) but someone was at the door, The town people who apperently brought my dog back home.
After finding out about everything I got pretty much broken and sorry to the point where I wanted to cry, untill I had a talk with my sister in law and a app group chat with my friends who helped me calm down and told me that they also almost lost there dog at one point.
Wednesday: After the event of the day before I got to play video games with my niece in the afternoon and with my nephew in the evening, While my Sister in law was cleaning up the house for my mother and I got invited to eat at there home, So I also got to see my brother again
, Also my Nephew told me he loved me wich was sweet .Yesterday: My sister in law was back to continue cleaning the house while I got to play games with my nephew again : ),
Also My Mother and Sister came back from vacation with a gift for me.
wich makes me wonder if the shit that happend at the beginning of the week, Happend in order to increase my bond with my familly?
Because I also realised how weak I still am despite all the subs/exps I did.. (also didn't help I messed up my first 3 ones..)
I guess I'm just impatienced and mayby the bad stuff happend in order for me to improve or something?
1 thing I know for sure is: AM7 is going to beat the shit out of me and I guess more bad stuff will happend in life.
if 6G isn't out by the time I'm done then I think I'm going to use EHPRA 6, Even if it means I may need to spend more money..
Because It's obvious I still have a long way to go when it comes to my emotions (and mayby it might reduce my minor seizure attacks..).
