I think I’m on the edge of yellow in spiral dynamics moving into turquoise. I’m becoming aware of how my past affects me in real time and there’s a sense of peace developing. There’s still points of low level thinking/feeling but I’m working through them. At times I’m in a state of orange, green, yellow so it’s not black and white, but the overall trend is that I’m moving up. As far as I’m aware the difference between yellow and turquoise is going from thinking/theory to understanding/being. Like I said in my UMS2 journal it’s like going from 2d to 4d. It’s not something easily described.
I’m clearly not a transcendental master lol. It simply means I’m developing more awareness. I still have major flaws and weaknesses. Thankfully these are being addressed by OGSF2 and I’m finding it easier to become more present in spite of these weaknesses and this helps transform it.
I realize that part of me is getting validation from posting this, but also I feel a little lonely where I’m at now since it feels like I’m making great progress, but don’t have anyone in my life I can share it with. I’m pretty isolated right now and want a better external life, not just to become awesome inside like I’ve been doing all this time with subs. I need to take action and I think the highest leverage thing to do after emotional health would be money. I’d be able to leverage money to pursue everything I need/want better and faster.
Money would let me travel to a more populated city to improve socially and start to be around people more in the area I’m heading in. This isn’t some new revelation, but one that has been recycled and refined over and over. Previously part of me thought the pursuit of money was an excuse to not get results, but it’s actually the right path forward for me.
Edit: I’d like to clarify that I’m talking about my peak not my average. My PEAK is moving from yellow into turquoise. My average is probably somewhere at the bottom of yellow fluctuating day to day, sometimes going down sometimes going up. But these tastes of what I believe to be turquoise are inspiring to me, so I wanted to share.
I’m clearly not a transcendental master lol. It simply means I’m developing more awareness. I still have major flaws and weaknesses. Thankfully these are being addressed by OGSF2 and I’m finding it easier to become more present in spite of these weaknesses and this helps transform it.
I realize that part of me is getting validation from posting this, but also I feel a little lonely where I’m at now since it feels like I’m making great progress, but don’t have anyone in my life I can share it with. I’m pretty isolated right now and want a better external life, not just to become awesome inside like I’ve been doing all this time with subs. I need to take action and I think the highest leverage thing to do after emotional health would be money. I’d be able to leverage money to pursue everything I need/want better and faster.
Money would let me travel to a more populated city to improve socially and start to be around people more in the area I’m heading in. This isn’t some new revelation, but one that has been recycled and refined over and over. Previously part of me thought the pursuit of money was an excuse to not get results, but it’s actually the right path forward for me.
Edit: I’d like to clarify that I’m talking about my peak not my average. My PEAK is moving from yellow into turquoise. My average is probably somewhere at the bottom of yellow fluctuating day to day, sometimes going down sometimes going up. But these tastes of what I believe to be turquoise are inspiring to me, so I wanted to share.
