AoL:The Journey to the Self Love I deserve

[Shannon]

Day18th:

Dang it, I got it again.., That moment where my emotions were lying to me and giving me the feeling that I'm not important to people...., wich is BS!

what am I talking about, It's time to be dumb and pathetic again...

Back at my Birthday (september 13th..), No one in my Friends in our group changed the name of our Whatsapp group to wish me A happy birthday.. (I told ya, it was gonne be pathetic...) and I had to change it myself in order to get people to congratulate me.. (I also had to do the same at my work group because they thought my birthday was 2 month's and 2 days earlier...) and my nephews didn't come either...

Between than and now 4 people had a birthday and someone else always changed it for them... pretty much giving me the feeling that I just wasn't important or mattered.....

AND THAT'S JUST IT! I GOT A FEELING THAT TOLD ME THAT!..

I knew that my feeling was lying because this is what I haven't told yet:

I GOT DLC to a video game from 1 of my friends and he congratulated me on a private whatsapp chat.

I GOT a special Birthday card from 1 of my other friends and I just forgot that both my nephews are already at school age now (5 and 4).

So the question is, Why are my feelings lying to me? and could that depression be resistance of Aura of Love... 

most of my time at work I spend trying to hold in that feeling and ignore it but sadly it didn't work, It was only after I could distract myself and eat something that I could regain myself..

I really hope I can get over this patheticness especially since I know those feelings were a lie..

hmm what I felt were: Fear Hopelesness and loniness and ofcourse once again a need for validation.. dont know if it's for sure but I hope It's just my subconcious being scared of Aura of Love...

Ask yourself this.  Why does it matter if anyone notices your birthday or congratulates you on it?  The fact is, if it matters, then you're seeking validation outside yourself, and that's the wrong way to do it.  You need to be seeking validation inside yourself, from yourself.

I don't think you understand what it's doing.  It causes you to generate a field of pure, unconditional love.  That's it.  It's not there to deal with guilt, shame, fear, hopelessness, loneliness, validation, etc.  Being enveloped in that field, you should be healing emotionally at a slow but steady pace, at least in some way.