09-28-2023, 06:40 AM
I fully admit I am fully dazed still right now because something major did happen last night. I should start with things that happened a few days ago though.
A few days ago I was basically able to finally just let go of most things. There was still a lot of anger, hurt and rage underneath. I took an honest examination of myself and thought if all this was really helping me. In the end I came to the conclusion that none of this was helping me however these things had been so much a part of my identity due to all the injustices I suffered at the hands of people throughout my life. In the end it didn't matter though and I mostly let it go. I remember while listening to the subliminal that my perception of reality changed. I will try to be honest about this because I think its a profound revelation to me and also I think in a meta physical sense it doesn't cross rule 4 territory too much however if someone brings it to my attention that it won't work so I will rephrase it or maybe delete it later. However I think this is an insight that might help others without crossing that part.
Had someone asked me I would have said my ultimate belief is in reality itself. Its something everyone has to obey no matter what. However that day there were 2 major things that changed my mind on things. In order the first thing was it finally crossed my mind that the old beliefs I was holding can't work for me nor contain me like a cage anymore. I literally had this imagery in my minds eye of a cage or cell that was built to house maybe a 10 year old trying to contain me as an adult. Just seeing that imagery made me realize the ridiculousness of this all. That these were all beliefs that I gathered when I wasn't even mentally all there nor emotionally at my peak yet. Why am I as an adult holding so strongly onto beliefs that I either erroneously came to as a child/ teen or were taught by adults some of which I realize now might not have had my best interests at heart (whether intentionally or unintentionally)? That's when i literally felt myself breaking away from a lot of these old beliefs as if I was growing out of the cages themselves. I realized how illogical and not solid thinking these beliefs were based on. The second perception that shifted was what I mentioned before. Instead of seeing reality as this insurmountable thing that can not be changed I started to see it as a painting. I am a painter and reality is an unfinished painting. Many before me have added things to this painting called reality and there will be many people who come after me to paint. I saw the start contrast of my former deterministic view of reality as if so much of it was unchangeable compared to this new view that was more realistic and dynamic in action. Where "Change" is the only real constant. Billions of people painting, some aware of others and some only really concentrate on themselves as they paint. Some too "scared" to barely make any strokes on the painting while others make grand strokes with reckless abandon with little thought at all.
It took me a while to even write out that last paragraph because it just hit me even more all the revelations in those sentences. The grandness of it all. As if just by existing I do have meaning and purpose due to the abnormity of this undertaking that is constantly happening. It feels as though once I got rid of these old beliefs my mind was finally able to expand into something much bigger and I was able to take a step back to look at things more objectively, to look at the whole picture instead of my small little corner of existence. This does bring me to what happened last night which is one of the most interesting experiences I have ever had. I think while processing the instructions I was in some state of lucid dreaming for a very long time. It was like I was on the razor edge of consciousness. There would be times where I didn't really feel conscious to other times i felt more conscious though not enough to be fully awake. While doing this I had dreams but mainly one. I should say during this, time felt all over the place. There were 2 dreams in particular the first which I thought I had weeks ago in real life but the more I think about it I think it was actually time being different during this experience. In other words I had the first dream earlier in the night then by the time I had the second dream it felt like it had been weeks later to me consciously. The first dream was where i had a room and filled it with cages, and large glass containers that you might keep pets in. I filled them with all matter of creatures, insects, and birds. I left the room then began the second dream. It had been weeks and I saw in some of the containers the animals or insects were dead. There were still some alive. There were even some cages or containers where some animals might be alive and some might be dead. I vividly remember a container where a giant lizard was dead and a large insect was feeding on its corpse. I ended up throwing out all the containers and cages that carried dead animals in them. If there were some still a live I just moved them to containers or cages where other alive creatures were. For some reason a particular bird stays in my mind. Its as if I could read its thoughts. After all those weeks it was still happy and as if it wasn't really all that hungry or on the verge of starvation. I moved it into a cage with some other flying animals.
The only conclusion I came to is that what died in that room were beliefs I turned away from and starved of giving them any attention/ energy. Some others were alive by feeding on those animal's dead corpses. Some like the bird were just fine, nothing really bad happened to them. I will say this, over the last few days my attitude is very much different and emotionally I feel great. There is no great weight holding me down. I also notice when I talk to people I am very much more engaged. I actually enjoy conversating. I will keep updating as new changes arrive but I even have the feeling that by the end of the 6 month mark I might just be done. I'm not sure I am even have to be at this for a year. I will go for a year though if I have to so everything is cleared out.
A few days ago I was basically able to finally just let go of most things. There was still a lot of anger, hurt and rage underneath. I took an honest examination of myself and thought if all this was really helping me. In the end I came to the conclusion that none of this was helping me however these things had been so much a part of my identity due to all the injustices I suffered at the hands of people throughout my life. In the end it didn't matter though and I mostly let it go. I remember while listening to the subliminal that my perception of reality changed. I will try to be honest about this because I think its a profound revelation to me and also I think in a meta physical sense it doesn't cross rule 4 territory too much however if someone brings it to my attention that it won't work so I will rephrase it or maybe delete it later. However I think this is an insight that might help others without crossing that part.
Had someone asked me I would have said my ultimate belief is in reality itself. Its something everyone has to obey no matter what. However that day there were 2 major things that changed my mind on things. In order the first thing was it finally crossed my mind that the old beliefs I was holding can't work for me nor contain me like a cage anymore. I literally had this imagery in my minds eye of a cage or cell that was built to house maybe a 10 year old trying to contain me as an adult. Just seeing that imagery made me realize the ridiculousness of this all. That these were all beliefs that I gathered when I wasn't even mentally all there nor emotionally at my peak yet. Why am I as an adult holding so strongly onto beliefs that I either erroneously came to as a child/ teen or were taught by adults some of which I realize now might not have had my best interests at heart (whether intentionally or unintentionally)? That's when i literally felt myself breaking away from a lot of these old beliefs as if I was growing out of the cages themselves. I realized how illogical and not solid thinking these beliefs were based on. The second perception that shifted was what I mentioned before. Instead of seeing reality as this insurmountable thing that can not be changed I started to see it as a painting. I am a painter and reality is an unfinished painting. Many before me have added things to this painting called reality and there will be many people who come after me to paint. I saw the start contrast of my former deterministic view of reality as if so much of it was unchangeable compared to this new view that was more realistic and dynamic in action. Where "Change" is the only real constant. Billions of people painting, some aware of others and some only really concentrate on themselves as they paint. Some too "scared" to barely make any strokes on the painting while others make grand strokes with reckless abandon with little thought at all.
It took me a while to even write out that last paragraph because it just hit me even more all the revelations in those sentences. The grandness of it all. As if just by existing I do have meaning and purpose due to the abnormity of this undertaking that is constantly happening. It feels as though once I got rid of these old beliefs my mind was finally able to expand into something much bigger and I was able to take a step back to look at things more objectively, to look at the whole picture instead of my small little corner of existence. This does bring me to what happened last night which is one of the most interesting experiences I have ever had. I think while processing the instructions I was in some state of lucid dreaming for a very long time. It was like I was on the razor edge of consciousness. There would be times where I didn't really feel conscious to other times i felt more conscious though not enough to be fully awake. While doing this I had dreams but mainly one. I should say during this, time felt all over the place. There were 2 dreams in particular the first which I thought I had weeks ago in real life but the more I think about it I think it was actually time being different during this experience. In other words I had the first dream earlier in the night then by the time I had the second dream it felt like it had been weeks later to me consciously. The first dream was where i had a room and filled it with cages, and large glass containers that you might keep pets in. I filled them with all matter of creatures, insects, and birds. I left the room then began the second dream. It had been weeks and I saw in some of the containers the animals or insects were dead. There were still some alive. There were even some cages or containers where some animals might be alive and some might be dead. I vividly remember a container where a giant lizard was dead and a large insect was feeding on its corpse. I ended up throwing out all the containers and cages that carried dead animals in them. If there were some still a live I just moved them to containers or cages where other alive creatures were. For some reason a particular bird stays in my mind. Its as if I could read its thoughts. After all those weeks it was still happy and as if it wasn't really all that hungry or on the verge of starvation. I moved it into a cage with some other flying animals.
The only conclusion I came to is that what died in that room were beliefs I turned away from and starved of giving them any attention/ energy. Some others were alive by feeding on those animal's dead corpses. Some like the bird were just fine, nothing really bad happened to them. I will say this, over the last few days my attitude is very much different and emotionally I feel great. There is no great weight holding me down. I also notice when I talk to people I am very much more engaged. I actually enjoy conversating. I will keep updating as new changes arrive but I even have the feeling that by the end of the 6 month mark I might just be done. I'm not sure I am even have to be at this for a year. I will go for a year though if I have to so everything is cleared out.
"I have no use of disciples. Let everyone be their own true follower" - Nietzsche
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