05-15-2023, 12:52 PM
Been a couple of cycles. Finally changed from using my tablet to using my phone. MacroDroid is behaving itself, and the loops are running as scheduled.
Had an interesting experience yesterday. My best description of it is "waking dream". Nothing visual or auditory, just a sequence of thoughts so compelling that I had to follow them through - a daydream that drew me in. The overall situation was that of someone "haunting" or "stalking" me my whole life, across all of my interstate moves, and that they are still around. In this sequence of thoughts, I finally confronted them - violently, beating them almost to death, but leaving them to suffer as, it turned out, they had been making me suffer all that time.
Note that I was awake and interacting with "now" around me at the same time I was following this line of thought. It ended, and the rest of my day continued normally.
In thinking about it later, I have to wonder if that "stalker" is me. Or some part of me, that has self-sabotaged my whole life. I obviously cannot use physical violence against myself. But I don't need to allow any kind of self-sabotage to continue.
Damn. That's deep. Deeper than I thought I had anything at all.
Do not underestimate EHPRA. If you want to heal, EHPRA is your tool.
Had an interesting experience yesterday. My best description of it is "waking dream". Nothing visual or auditory, just a sequence of thoughts so compelling that I had to follow them through - a daydream that drew me in. The overall situation was that of someone "haunting" or "stalking" me my whole life, across all of my interstate moves, and that they are still around. In this sequence of thoughts, I finally confronted them - violently, beating them almost to death, but leaving them to suffer as, it turned out, they had been making me suffer all that time.
Note that I was awake and interacting with "now" around me at the same time I was following this line of thought. It ended, and the rest of my day continued normally.
In thinking about it later, I have to wonder if that "stalker" is me. Or some part of me, that has self-sabotaged my whole life. I obviously cannot use physical violence against myself. But I don't need to allow any kind of self-sabotage to continue.
Damn. That's deep. Deeper than I thought I had anything at all.
Do not underestimate EHPRA. If you want to heal, EHPRA is your tool.
