Transcendental Sith Lord's OGSF 5.9G Journal

[DarthXedonias]

This post touched me on multiple levels. You're rising above the false paradigms of societal influence and upbringing. Amazing progress.

Repped (and wish I could rep more)

Thanks for the kind words. 

For this update, don't even know where to begin. My whole psyche seems to get better and better the deeper I go though to it known to me now that there will be a end to this journey. I guess I should go over the main things I have realized. 

- I kept on prolonging this journey this whole time because I kept on assuming and believing there was always some dark corner of my mind that I would miss. Basically because of this belief that there will always be this dark corner of my psyche that I will forget or that will allude me that inadvertently allowed an "escape" or "out" for the part resisting. Basically there was this fear or belief that there will always be some place within that I didn't see or heal. This led to endless healing and clearing. This fear also led to the fear being able to regenerate. 

- Another powerful thing was that a certain aspect of stoicism became very clear to me. It is not the things outside of myself that give me the emotional response, it is me. I am in control of my emotional responses. If something happened to me in my past it is not the memory or action that is making me angry or hurt, it is me that is making myself like that. I have a choice to disconnect from certain responses. Once I truly understood this the past seemed insignificant to me. 

Now for the biggest change the resistance is basically gone at this point due to one significant revelation to me and it does put some of Shannon's previous words into perspective. The subliminal is not making me do anything. It is myself. All the subliminal is doing is persuading me to given into certain instructions. A certain part of me is responding to that and agreeing. Another part is resisting. However it finally hit me once I realized that its me that is doing this. I am literally resisting myself, I'm not resisting the subliminal. A certain part is complying and I resisting that part that is seeking more compliance. Once I realized I am simply resisting myself a mass amount of resistance fell off. Why am I resisting myself? Don't I trust those other parts of myself to know they wouldn't do this if it was really bad for me. In the end it seemed very stupid to me and I actually started to identify with the instructions. I stopped seeing other parts of myself as the enemy and decided to work in tandem. I realized for all these year while seeing that part of me as the enemy that I was wrong. I was resisting a part of me that was trying to help me. I also realized the part of me resisting is nothing but full of pain and hurt. It is motivated by that which is why it wasn't giving up the old belief systems. There was also one other way of thinking and self sabotage technique that was exposed to me as such. Mainly not being able to accept the new paradigm of thinking because of something that happened under the old paradigm of thinking. I realized this was self sabotage. Why would I partly blame or hold accountable the new way of thinking for something that happened under the old type of thinking? 

All in all a bunch of self sabotage techniques got uncovered that were keeping more change from happening. Now that they are dealt with I feel more free than ever. There has been other tangible changes as well. Mainly I have gotten rid of my youtube addiction. Haven't listened to or watched any youtube in like a week and half and the strong urges are gone. I actually accidently clicked on it a few days ago and only stayed on the homepage for like 30 seconds to read the title of the videos recommended to me and I just felt this thing of "why would I listen to this anymore?". Its nothing but drama and a lot of time people with false personas that they wear in order to luring you into watching their videos all the time. Rarely do any of those videos really add anything productive to your life. Its usually just drama and entertainment parading as "truth". So I don't have much reason to listen to it anymore. I don't even listen to it while driving for my job. I'm getting more motivated to finish my courses now. Just need to finish this current one and a few others then I will go find a job then sign up for the Masters degree in Artificial intelligence which is paying very well at the moment. 

I did despite everything apologize to my father for not getting back to him earlier and we did talk once so far. I don't know but it felt like the thing to do. I couldn't just walk away with a clean conscience if I was responsible for any part of the problem. However with that said with my new found control over myself and freedom i realize I still won't move in with him. I know what would have happened. I would have gotten comfortable and in a familiar pattern. I need to stop getting stuck in such a comfortable pattern of existence and stop relying on others. 

Anyway, that's about it for now. I actually need to head to work. Will update if more stuff happens.