Transcendental Sith Lord's OGSF 5.9G Journal

[DarthXedonias]

Well, think its time for an update as there has just been big major changes. First off I would say I haven't watched porn or done anything similar at all since I have started this sub. I have no desire to do so. Its interesting because over the last couple of years things have ranged from having a problem to watching such things less. This is the first time I think I have just done cold turkey and had no desire to return. I think there is a secondary reason for this as well. It had to do with my PTSD. I had known for a long time that people with PTSD often are in this hyper arousal state. Since this sub that hyper arousal state is just gone. I think I would use such things as porn or fapping as some kind of escape mechanism in order to not have to deal with certain issues or when things got too uncomfortable.

One other major thing is that the messaging became what I think Shannon called self regenerating. I felt this one time while listening. It felt like the messages no longer were coming from my headphones but from within myself. I will still keep listening though at this point I am letting the sub guide me to how much I need to listen to it. I trust myself in that regards now. One side effect I have noticed is that I haven't been studying at all really for my second degree. I think I have two reasons for this. (1) I feel very dedicated to dealing with what the subliminal is telling me to deal with. So much so that I do actually want to do 3 to 4 months of it to clear everything out. I don't know if this is due to some new technology or not but I just feel totally focused on the instructions. This is a first for a subliminal because usually I would start getting the "run away" type feeling when dealing with my issues. Now I feel motivation. (2) I have the feeling that with all this GSF removal that I don't feel those things around my studies. I have this intuition that once I get back on MLS that I will be highly motivated and focused on those goals instead.

I know for certain now this was the subliminal I really, really needed all this time. It is clearing out all the garbage that has been holding me back all these years. I don't feel anymore of that anxiety, anger, hatred, or rage. Hell I don't think I have felt really much of a negative emotion this entire time and when I do I actually analyze it to fine out why I feel that way in the first place. I feel like all that extra fat is being taken off of my psyche and I'm getting back down to basics. I think it was the other day it came to me why do I even have emotions in the first place? The answer I came up with is emotions and instincts are there to motivate you to do something. Desire for sex is to get you to procreate, or hunger is to get you to find and get food. With that in mind I now ask me myself when I feel something what is that feeling trying to get me to do? Maybe also that feeling came from something someone told me, a belief. A belief that tells me I should react to something to certain things by feeling a certain way. I noticed along with these revealations that I just feel my feelings in the moment and then when that few seconds or minutes has passed the feeling is let go of. So I feel a lot more emotionally healthier than before.

I realized that I have a path I have to walk down on my short time on this planet. I was born, I started walking down this path called life and eventually that path will end. You know what I am fine with that now. What I won't be fine with however is being distracted all too much by the various petty things people might do to me. I'm over it already. All those negative emotions were nothing but distracts from walking down the path I should be walking. Its like I just stopped and got in the fetal position and mopped around for a long time. Just remaining stagnant and frozen in place. I have no more time to waste on this petty nonsense. What happened happened. It is done with and the only way it keeps living is through my mind and thoughts because I allow it to. I will take control of my actions, beliefs, and my own mind. I will not give another full control over my mind. Of course I was confronted with he idea of isn't the subliminal taking some amount of control. However some part of me came up with something very interesting. Some part of me wanted to run the sub and some part of me wanted to change. It wanted this. However given all the abuse and trauma from my younger years, I didn't ask for that. Why should those beliefs and messages have power over me when I didn't ask for them? They were literally foisted on to me most of the time by some toxic person who didn't want to deal with their own issues. Yet, i would question a subliminal which some part of me chose to run but not question the toxic beliefs that were foisted on to me at a young age?

I think it was at that point my eyes really opened about everything and I just let a whole bunch of stuff go. I figured out these things or beliefs were no longer serving me. They were chains. I even feel it now that I look at reality a lot more differently than I used to. As if my eyes are finally open. As if I am finally free. That about it for now since I actually need to run to work soon. I thought I would give this quick update though. I would highly recommend that if you have various problems definitely run this subliminal. At this point I would put it above E4 or OF.