Counting Sheep - Overcoming Fear v.4

[Ampersnd]

Day 156 / 210,

I've been meaning to set aside about 10 focused minutes to write my experiences with OF v.3.0 so far.
I intend on running this subliminal for at least one more solid month, and going as close to the 7-month mark as I can bear.
The inner world being done is very important, and I don't want to have to redo the progress I have achieved.

I can describe the changes I have experienced as nothing less than transformational.
Regardless, they translate to subtle shifts in attitude, but very visible changes in behavior.

Here is a brief list of benefits I've experienced:

• An increase in willingness to try new things, even on short notice. One weekend, I agreed to three novel experiences, even though they disrupted my usual schedule. One, however, was to get me laid with a regular gal, so I'm not sure if that would have been any different.
  
• A reduced desire to butt in to certain conversations (e.g., not trying to introduce my credentials or accomplishments). I just let the occasion draw out any skill that I have, and people will find out on their own.
  
• A reduction of sarcasm or irony when I communicate with other people. This must have been a mechanism I used to obscure my true beliefs.
  
• An increase in sincerity, which becomes concrete when I speak with others.
  
• An increase in warmth and goodwill towards others. This increased even for my family members. While visiting for a week, I found myself gravitating towards my parents, even during downtime. Normally, when not having meals, running errands, or having plans with extended family, I'd fall off and sit on my laptop, etc. Less so during this past visit.
  
• An increase in funniness; it's very easy to pull off comedic timing and to hold a comedic frame when you don't have fear pulling you one way or the other. Also, my mood is improved, making comedy easier.
  
• An increase in feelings of spirituality; these are not concrete doctrines (yet), but I feel more sensitive to the esoteric and to feelings.
  
• An occasional bubbling through of joy. It's hard to put this one into words, but it feels as though many clouds have parted, and the warm sunshine can pour through from time to time.
  
• The loss of dread about the next working day. For example, on a Sunday evening or in the late night of a weekday, I'm not hit with the thought: "fuck, not looking forward to work tomorrow". This might relate to my lack of dread when having to take sudden phone calls, or when any particular person reaches out to me.
  
• An almost complete loss of "approach anxiety"; I do consider how many other people will hear and a couple of other things, but if I have the hunch to approach, I tend to follow it now. My main concern is reputational damage; for example, not becoming "that guy" at the gym.
  
• An increase in optimism about my future, about conducting business, and of making lots and lots of money.
  

Note that the reduction of fear doesn't mean the loss of feeling; I'm now much more freed up to consider many other things. Social appropriateness is a big one, because certain risky behaviors come at a cost.

I know that they say that courage is the decision to act well against your instincts instructing you otherwise.
But in light of the results I've experienced, I the need for constant courage as analogous to struggling against a bungie cord tied to your back, resisting every inch of forward motion. The farther you pull forward, the more needless effort is dedicated towards resisting the backwards pull, the less you can speak and act naturally. Why not just cut those cords and use that liberated energy towards achieving your goals?

Why is it seen as valiant to perpetually suffer an inner struggle that I can realistically win with a redirection of your subconscious?

Next Subliminal
For my next step, I want to address women and dating.
Overall, I think that I'm logically a good match to a lot of women:

• I've worked on my style and overall look and would rank myself as *at least* a 7-8/10, skewing higher if you factor in the body.
  
• I take care of my appearance and have a solid, reasonably muscled frame. I also have a small waist.
  
• I take the initiative and have done "cold approach" on a large number of women, which has led to some Instagrams and phone numbers, but very few have expressed enthusiasm towards any further contact. Many (many) times, they don't respond to my initial message; others simply ghost partway through.
  
• I make decent money and am ambitious. I speak multiple languages. I'm evenly balanced between feeling and fact.
  
• I've never been afraid to escalate sexually
  

But still, something is not connecting, and I don't have even a fraction of the results I'd like.

The women I'm most attracted to just don't seem to be attracted to me. This has dealt a bit of a blow to how attractive I consider myself; not in the micro, individual case - for example, a single ghosting - but in the big picture, where it's almost as though I am rejected wholesale by the totality of pretty women. I have a decently high view of myself, but it doesn't get reflected in the real world.

I have also noticed that many people at my gym - men and women - are social and talk to each other. I've been going for 5-6 years and I've gotten virtually no interactions that I haven't started myself.
They've probably met at the gym as well. I must be putting out an energy that I'd rather be left alone. That or I'm repulsing women. This realization has greatly reduced that "hunch" I've had to approach women, as it feels as though I'm doing more harm than good each time I do it. I'd like to change that.

I realize that I'm the common denominator for any consistent failures or successes, but it gets a bit irritating that I don't get a clear cut feedback mechanism, meaning that I'm forced to repeat my mistakes.

What's a boy to do? And so, I will be running X4A-1000 next. I refuse to be ignored.

(And yes, Subliminal Shop may use this entry - or a portion of it - as a testimonial)