Day 3,
Feeling as motivated an energized as a loose noodle.
It's possible that a lot of my activity is based on a foundation of fear.
"Better exercise or you'll become fat and ugly"
"Better make money so that you won't become homeless"
"Better stay young or you'll never attract the ladies"
My sense is that my fears of these things have been reduced a bit, but not my fears regarding the success.
And so, I'm feeling a bit 'meh'; no drive to do achieve the goals that I want.
Doing the easy practices, such as guitar practice and a few other things.
Other fears that I've recently realized have ruled my life:
- Fear of women knowing that I like them, especially women who already know that they're attractive. In some weird reverse psychology shit, I assume that my lack of interest will pique their interest. In short, I turn it into a game.
- Fear of joining and staying in groups; I've done some variation of the lone wolf thing for my life. Often played on the jungle gym while my friends did other things. I'd sometimes join up with them, but there'd be a distinct separateness.
- Fear of competition; I remember having a panic attack at the concept of a piano competition when I was single-digits in age. I've since avoided challenging myself and spared myself the inner growth.
My inner hunch keeps telling me to run loops of OF day after day.
Feeling as motivated an energized as a loose noodle.
It's possible that a lot of my activity is based on a foundation of fear.
"Better exercise or you'll become fat and ugly"
"Better make money so that you won't become homeless"
"Better stay young or you'll never attract the ladies"
My sense is that my fears of these things have been reduced a bit, but not my fears regarding the success.
And so, I'm feeling a bit 'meh'; no drive to do achieve the goals that I want.
Doing the easy practices, such as guitar practice and a few other things.
Other fears that I've recently realized have ruled my life:
- Fear of women knowing that I like them, especially women who already know that they're attractive. In some weird reverse psychology shit, I assume that my lack of interest will pique their interest. In short, I turn it into a game.
- Fear of joining and staying in groups; I've done some variation of the lone wolf thing for my life. Often played on the jungle gym while my friends did other things. I'd sometimes join up with them, but there'd be a distinct separateness.
- Fear of competition; I remember having a panic attack at the concept of a piano competition when I was single-digits in age. I've since avoided challenging myself and spared myself the inner growth.
My inner hunch keeps telling me to run loops of OF day after day.
UMS v2 Journal (current) || Overcoming Fear 5.75G Journal
