Transcendental Sith Lord's UH / MLS Journal

[DarthXedonias]

Well, a few things have happened so far. So I did go on a date with a slightly decent Russian older Russian woman. It was ok but didn't feel as connected. She felt less emotional and couldn't really get a read on her. When she did show types of emotion it was at random times which kind of threw me off. Made me think she was single at her age for a reason.

I was going to have another date on Saturday night but seems I won't be able to go on that one because my tinder account was banned. Why you might ask? Well I decided to totally redo my profile to a degree and add information given my perspective on being just poly given the women I will be with. So was going to be honest about what I was looking for and change my profile around given that I hadn't changed it really in years (I also unmatched from a lot of previous matches for a fresh start). So I started making changes to it and being truthful about what I wanted in my profile (which included the word couple). I swear to you as soon as I did that not even 24 hours later I try to log on my account and it has said I was banned for violating their policies.

Now one might think "well, they must have a policy against that then". Nope, you would be wrong or that they don't enforce it equally (shocking I know /s). I know this because like over a week ago I decided to make a separate account for one of my women basically saying the same thing (couple, etc) and that one has been up for over half a week. Sorry but I just hate the hypocrisy here online in general. If a man is honest about what he wants sexually, etc he gets shamed, guilt trip, even banned in some cases but if its "seen" as coming from a woman and it has "female approval" then everything is fine. Well just gives me even more of a reason to leave. The reason I bring any of this up is because I realize with this latest transformation which enabled me to start going on dates, etc I had huge amounts of shame, guilt, and fear surrounding my sexuality as a male. I kept on getting these reinforcements that male sexuality is "bad" and male sexual wants should be shamed.

I know this is just my minor past experience so some people might not have had the same issues growing up. The interesting thing is this kind of behavior isn't just from women but it would be reinforced by brainwashed beta males as well. The type of beta males who think the more they simp out and act like a feminist, etc that the more women will "like" them. As I typed this I actually remembered one particular instance in my past of a former "friend" who I was talking to about this one guy who had multiple girlfriends, etc. This guy would literally tell the women that he wasn't interested in anything serious fairly early on and he already had other women. So he was being honest about what he wanted and the women wanted him anyway. My so called "friend" at the time still saw the guy as a low life and basically a piece of trash. Apparently in his world if a guy wants multiple women (even if he tells them all the truth) he is just "trash" by mere fact that that is what he sexually wants. Apparently the women themselves don't have "agency" to make their own choices in this or if they do they are just being "used" in his mind as he can't even see why a woman would want to be one of many unless they are being manipulated. Mind you this same "friend" was horrible with women and couldn't get anywhere with them at all.

I do think UH has done a lot in this area because I'm not even angry really. I am somewhat agitated by the hypocrisy but not surprised either. In my mind its just more of the same stuff I have already seen from my limited past and gives me even more reason to want to finish up here in this country and leave. I think this instance and the other instance having to do with the BDSM community where I had a bunch angry insecure beta males flood into my profile getting pissed essentially over the fact that I had multiple women and trying to make up reasons to legitimately attack me. What was funny about that situation as I saw it was you had these really insecure men attacking me for no reason (with the women involved with me knowing about each other and accepting that) then at the same time these same men are all claiming about how they are such "dominant alpha chads".

In the end I just find his whole situation hilarious really. I find that a change in of itself as before such things would just get me really angry, etc but now I just laugh at this stuff. Its just insecure men and women showing themselves to be so. So why should I let such people ruin my day? They obviously refuse to take control of their own lives and so why should I give them control of mine? It definitely seems like there was a lot of sexuality trauma and sexuality GSF (guilt, shame, fear) healing from using UH. I will be very happy to see what results I will get with other subs once I finish healing all around with UH for a while.

One last thing I think I have finally got out of the education slump I was in for a while now where I just couldn't really work on my degree program in computer science and was really falling behind. Talked to my friend who works in the field and got some more motivation after that discussion. Actually decided that after I get the degree I will just focus on learning Python and GO mainly. I'm interested in GO because its simple but also has as much speed as C++ or even out performs it in some areas. So I can see why GO is getting more and more popular. Going to try to catch up as much as possible before the end of the month. That discussion and these recent events have just motivated me even more just to get this finished and probably be making a six figure salary depending on the company I end up working for. I figure financially at this time I need to concentrate more on getting a very lucrative job first, then from there use that extra income to invest.