08-29-2012, 08:40 AM
Mine is very long 
Wow! All of my months of hard work, slaved over a computer screen wondering what the hell I should type for my internet dating profile, and here it is. I think you may have just won the lottery!
I’ve pretty much mastered this whole ‘online dating’ scheme. “I’m kind of a big deal”. And yes, I know, I’m a total douche, just keep reading and I’m sure at the end you won’t know whether I’m your arch enemy or you’re future lover. However, it’s no fun when everyone can figure you out.
Mostly, I use this so called ‘online dating’ site for a social outlet from my many hours spent in doors watching a lot of TV or writing my AMAZING book on online dating. Typically, it’s all about chatting online, getting her number and then heading out for a fun time.
A fun time typically includes meeting up at a public place: perhaps coffee, drinks, mini-golf, hookah, or paint classes and if we hit it off…usually ends up ripping each other’s clothes off in my bedroom.
Many may call me arrogant, a player, an ***hole, a bad boy, and the list goes on. However, this type of name calling only feeds my ego and slight narcissistic tendencies that brought me to write such an arrogant profile in the first place.
It amuses me all the countless virgin males on this site messaging girls the same boring and unoriginal messages to these shallow women to only receive some sort of response like “You’re a loser stop messaging me” or is it only me? Don’t answer that.
Look, I’m pretty much a genius. My therapist told me so. You can go ahead and message all the other socially inept dudes on this website and talk about all of your horrible dating disasters with jerks/***holes/douche bags like me and how you want such a nice guy that’s going to give you EVERYTHING you ever wanted. Like a Disney movie where Prince Charming saves you from some fire spitting dragon and ends up getting lucky as the two of you wind up kissing passionately and making love under an apple tree. Isn’t Prince Charming just another guy?
The male brain is wired like this, ladies…you ready? Wait for it.
Men NEED sex to function.
Or else our penises actually shrivel up and turn to dust. True story. And that causes a whole heap of problems.
The thing that I hate the most is the dudes out there that actually try to hide that fact. Like they aren’t actually online hoping to score one of these days, as if…actually our Mothers once taught us at an early age it’s best to put on fake Mr. Nice Guy mask to treat a woman like she is a Princess and maybe you’ll get what you want after all. Actually, the world is a little corrupt in that regard, you ladies have the advantage. Bravo! You should all bow down and thank modern porn.
Or the ones that actually tell you they just want to be your friend or chat online with hopes of you one day falling for them because they are such a nice guy. However, only to discover they were put into the dreaded friend zone and get to be your “boyfriend counselor” from now on.
Then there’s another breed, similar to me but not quite as cool who believe they should act like some Jersey Shore wannabe because apparently women love jerks, yes? Ladies, I feel you, it’s not so much that you like jerks, but you just are sick of all the desperate, lonely nice guys out there that cannot satisfy you in bed. I don’t blame you.
Yes I really just went there.
But in all fairness, I absolutely adore you women. You’re beautiful creatures after all, while some may take that too far, I’ve met my fair share of rare gems. You know, someone who is interesting enough to smoke a pack of cigarettes on the porch with me, talking about all of her past, lame sexual experiences and fantasies. Or the type of woman who can stay up with me watching horror movies all night and not getting too afraid that she has to leave the room and ignore me the rest of the night.
And mostly, I love a woman who has sass, class and ass. What I mean by that. She’s sassy in that she has a little spice to her. She can stand up for herself, can give me sh*twhen I deserve it, and isn’t just another stuck-up goody-goody. Class: she’s a total sweetheart and is more concerned with having a good time rather than how many guys check her out and approach her. And she’s honest in her intentions. She has standards and respect for herself. An ass: something to grab on to.
I cannot believe I’ve actually resorted to writing such an arrogant profile as this, god I’m such a douche.
Now is the time where you decide whether you want to slap me or rip my clothes off. I’ll give you that option. However, think twice before you send me some whacked out hate mail trying to sabotage my ego. It’s not that fragile, ladies. I may get depressed and go cry in my room for a few hours, but as soon as I flip on a good cartoon I’m all laughs and right back to it.
If you believe you can deal with the unpredictable nature of who I am and ready to get in a whole shitload of trouble. (NOTE: Please be ware that I’m looking for more of the advanced product). Shoot me a message and we’ll go rock the **** out.
Ryan
Wow! All of my months of hard work, slaved over a computer screen wondering what the hell I should type for my internet dating profile, and here it is. I think you may have just won the lottery!
I’ve pretty much mastered this whole ‘online dating’ scheme. “I’m kind of a big deal”. And yes, I know, I’m a total douche, just keep reading and I’m sure at the end you won’t know whether I’m your arch enemy or you’re future lover. However, it’s no fun when everyone can figure you out.
Mostly, I use this so called ‘online dating’ site for a social outlet from my many hours spent in doors watching a lot of TV or writing my AMAZING book on online dating. Typically, it’s all about chatting online, getting her number and then heading out for a fun time.
A fun time typically includes meeting up at a public place: perhaps coffee, drinks, mini-golf, hookah, or paint classes and if we hit it off…usually ends up ripping each other’s clothes off in my bedroom.
Many may call me arrogant, a player, an ***hole, a bad boy, and the list goes on. However, this type of name calling only feeds my ego and slight narcissistic tendencies that brought me to write such an arrogant profile in the first place.
It amuses me all the countless virgin males on this site messaging girls the same boring and unoriginal messages to these shallow women to only receive some sort of response like “You’re a loser stop messaging me” or is it only me? Don’t answer that.
Look, I’m pretty much a genius. My therapist told me so. You can go ahead and message all the other socially inept dudes on this website and talk about all of your horrible dating disasters with jerks/***holes/douche bags like me and how you want such a nice guy that’s going to give you EVERYTHING you ever wanted. Like a Disney movie where Prince Charming saves you from some fire spitting dragon and ends up getting lucky as the two of you wind up kissing passionately and making love under an apple tree. Isn’t Prince Charming just another guy?
The male brain is wired like this, ladies…you ready? Wait for it.
Men NEED sex to function.
Or else our penises actually shrivel up and turn to dust. True story. And that causes a whole heap of problems.
The thing that I hate the most is the dudes out there that actually try to hide that fact. Like they aren’t actually online hoping to score one of these days, as if…actually our Mothers once taught us at an early age it’s best to put on fake Mr. Nice Guy mask to treat a woman like she is a Princess and maybe you’ll get what you want after all. Actually, the world is a little corrupt in that regard, you ladies have the advantage. Bravo! You should all bow down and thank modern porn.
Or the ones that actually tell you they just want to be your friend or chat online with hopes of you one day falling for them because they are such a nice guy. However, only to discover they were put into the dreaded friend zone and get to be your “boyfriend counselor” from now on.
Then there’s another breed, similar to me but not quite as cool who believe they should act like some Jersey Shore wannabe because apparently women love jerks, yes? Ladies, I feel you, it’s not so much that you like jerks, but you just are sick of all the desperate, lonely nice guys out there that cannot satisfy you in bed. I don’t blame you.
Yes I really just went there.
But in all fairness, I absolutely adore you women. You’re beautiful creatures after all, while some may take that too far, I’ve met my fair share of rare gems. You know, someone who is interesting enough to smoke a pack of cigarettes on the porch with me, talking about all of her past, lame sexual experiences and fantasies. Or the type of woman who can stay up with me watching horror movies all night and not getting too afraid that she has to leave the room and ignore me the rest of the night.
And mostly, I love a woman who has sass, class and ass. What I mean by that. She’s sassy in that she has a little spice to her. She can stand up for herself, can give me sh*twhen I deserve it, and isn’t just another stuck-up goody-goody. Class: she’s a total sweetheart and is more concerned with having a good time rather than how many guys check her out and approach her. And she’s honest in her intentions. She has standards and respect for herself. An ass: something to grab on to.
I cannot believe I’ve actually resorted to writing such an arrogant profile as this, god I’m such a douche.
Now is the time where you decide whether you want to slap me or rip my clothes off. I’ll give you that option. However, think twice before you send me some whacked out hate mail trying to sabotage my ego. It’s not that fragile, ladies. I may get depressed and go cry in my room for a few hours, but as soon as I flip on a good cartoon I’m all laughs and right back to it.
If you believe you can deal with the unpredictable nature of who I am and ready to get in a whole shitload of trouble. (NOTE: Please be ware that I’m looking for more of the advanced product). Shoot me a message and we’ll go rock the **** out.
Ryan
