09-14-2021, 03:01 AM
OF just keeps on going.
A few days ago I heard the phrase "It's going to be ok" and it triggered a sense of peace that I have not felt in a while. Like for a decade. I feel like it hit the part of me that was kept in a perpetual state of stress and has overcome or is overcoming it. The event that keeps that in place was a near mental breakdown due to work as I put myself between a rock and a hard place and tried not to move. My stubbornness really backfired that day. Life felt different after that day and has continued since. But I'm pretty sure OF is clearing it or has cleared it.
I'm not sure I'll have all my fear removed in the minimum 6 months that is suggested to run OF. I'm stubborn and I'm pretty convinced that my healthy stubbornness has been hijacked by fear and is now subconscious. When that happened is unknown to me but it probably happened at a young age. The older I get the more I realize that my parent's underlying fear and hopelessness created an implicit sense that life is not safe which is true in a sense but the counterpoint is that the universe is much like a womb where everything we need is provided. It can be easy to say that but for me, I have trouble tapping believing that subconsciously. I know enough for mental ascent but I think my subconscious is still too afraid to believe that. I am starting to see some breakthroughs in that area and some things that I needed to put my life together have fallen into place recently but I am not as trusting as I could be and there is still some work in that area. I would very much like my conscious and subconscious to be on the same page. I feel that it would be frighteningly powerful if they were. Not sure if I'll run it longer than 6 months as I really want to start UMS as that for me would be the next big step I would have to take in putting my life together.
Possible TID from DMSI as well. Not sure if I'll run it but either OF is really amping up or it;s TID from DMSI.
I'm glad OF is more stubborn that me in a sense
The Journey continues.
A few days ago I heard the phrase "It's going to be ok" and it triggered a sense of peace that I have not felt in a while. Like for a decade. I feel like it hit the part of me that was kept in a perpetual state of stress and has overcome or is overcoming it. The event that keeps that in place was a near mental breakdown due to work as I put myself between a rock and a hard place and tried not to move. My stubbornness really backfired that day. Life felt different after that day and has continued since. But I'm pretty sure OF is clearing it or has cleared it.
I'm not sure I'll have all my fear removed in the minimum 6 months that is suggested to run OF. I'm stubborn and I'm pretty convinced that my healthy stubbornness has been hijacked by fear and is now subconscious. When that happened is unknown to me but it probably happened at a young age. The older I get the more I realize that my parent's underlying fear and hopelessness created an implicit sense that life is not safe which is true in a sense but the counterpoint is that the universe is much like a womb where everything we need is provided. It can be easy to say that but for me, I have trouble tapping believing that subconsciously. I know enough for mental ascent but I think my subconscious is still too afraid to believe that. I am starting to see some breakthroughs in that area and some things that I needed to put my life together have fallen into place recently but I am not as trusting as I could be and there is still some work in that area. I would very much like my conscious and subconscious to be on the same page. I feel that it would be frighteningly powerful if they were. Not sure if I'll run it longer than 6 months as I really want to start UMS as that for me would be the next big step I would have to take in putting my life together.
Possible TID from DMSI as well. Not sure if I'll run it but either OF is really amping up or it;s TID from DMSI.
I'm glad OF is more stubborn that me in a sense
The Journey continues.
