08-22-2012, 08:24 PM
Ok so 5G is great. When I'm around it, I definitely get a positive mood boost. Unfortunately if I move away from the sub the euphoric effect seems to die down a bit. Obviously that's not the goal of the sub, to produce euphoria, but I just thought I'd say it's a nice added benefit.
What this really is about is confidence. Let me tell you, I'm noticing it. I'm not fearless yet, I've still got my obstacles to overcome. But damn, the way I hold myself is just different. I stand up straighter, I walk with smooth controlled movements, my voice is deeper and relaxed, eye contact is way easier. Today I was at the gas station and normally I don't feel comfortable around cashiers and kind of just stare off or look down. But today I just didn't care, I had no problem looking the guy in the eyes and I was friendlier than usual. Also I got a message from a market research survey thing. I had to call back and answer questions about stuff, I didn't qualify, but I had a real surreal moment. Normally I'm terrified of phones, like seriously phobic. And I wasn't super relaxed about the call, but I did it and I didn't have to avoid it. The fact that I had the option to call or not and I chose to go through with it and push through the anxiety was awesome enough for me.
So things are slowly changing. It's very natural, it doesn't feel forced. So I start thinking that I've always been this way, but clearly I haven't lol. I can feel like I'm getting there. I still have a lot of anxiety about finding a job and at times I have bad avoidance behaviors. I'm trying to be more proactive instead of shying away from opportunities. It causes a bit of depression at times when I still feel like I have trouble overcoming that fear and really getting out into the real world. But lately I've been feeling an inner sense of confidence, like it's hard but I can do it. That just makes a tremendous difference in my days.
What this really is about is confidence. Let me tell you, I'm noticing it. I'm not fearless yet, I've still got my obstacles to overcome. But damn, the way I hold myself is just different. I stand up straighter, I walk with smooth controlled movements, my voice is deeper and relaxed, eye contact is way easier. Today I was at the gas station and normally I don't feel comfortable around cashiers and kind of just stare off or look down. But today I just didn't care, I had no problem looking the guy in the eyes and I was friendlier than usual. Also I got a message from a market research survey thing. I had to call back and answer questions about stuff, I didn't qualify, but I had a real surreal moment. Normally I'm terrified of phones, like seriously phobic. And I wasn't super relaxed about the call, but I did it and I didn't have to avoid it. The fact that I had the option to call or not and I chose to go through with it and push through the anxiety was awesome enough for me.
So things are slowly changing. It's very natural, it doesn't feel forced. So I start thinking that I've always been this way, but clearly I haven't lol. I can feel like I'm getting there. I still have a lot of anxiety about finding a job and at times I have bad avoidance behaviors. I'm trying to be more proactive instead of shying away from opportunities. It causes a bit of depression at times when I still feel like I have trouble overcoming that fear and really getting out into the real world. But lately I've been feeling an inner sense of confidence, like it's hard but I can do it. That just makes a tremendous difference in my days.
