08-11-2021, 05:17 AM
Barely slept last night, something was up subconsciously. There was a bit of openness in my subconscious, but much more fear last night. Carpet bombed myself a total of 8 loops last night. Feel ok today.
There was definitely an attempt to push away the sub and its effects last night but I wouldn't have it. The momentum is too encouraging to give up. Yesterday was technically day 4 of listening. Off days now.
Sometimes I see little slivers of what could be in between the cycles of dredging up and clearing and it's exciting. However, my subconscious still has a hesitancy to engage life and fully live. I know I'll die someday but the layers of fear still hold me back from living. However, it is getting better. It still tries to push OF away but it appears that the old tricks don't work, or at least don't work as well. The tunnel boring continues.
I have a feeling that life with the subconscious fully engaged will be amazing.
There was definitely an attempt to push away the sub and its effects last night but I wouldn't have it. The momentum is too encouraging to give up. Yesterday was technically day 4 of listening. Off days now.
Sometimes I see little slivers of what could be in between the cycles of dredging up and clearing and it's exciting. However, my subconscious still has a hesitancy to engage life and fully live. I know I'll die someday but the layers of fear still hold me back from living. However, it is getting better. It still tries to push OF away but it appears that the old tricks don't work, or at least don't work as well. The tunnel boring continues.
I have a feeling that life with the subconscious fully engaged will be amazing.
