07-22-2021, 01:45 PM
Jake, because of Shannon's comment in his journal I decided to go back and look at your journal and it took me only 2 pages to be convinced that the sub IS working for you. However, I think you have a fear of self-delusion that causes you to be very staunch about what you define as progress or not. With the slight readthrough of your journal I saw at least 3 people saying your executing and I saw IN YOUR OWN WRITTEN WORDS that you were executing as well. With that information, I have come to the conclusion that your fear of self-delusion has come upon you. You are already, in fact, self-deluded. Fear has so self-deluded you that it has thoroughly made it into your self-narrative, and even though people have said your executing and YOU YOURSELF HAVE WRITTEN IN A WAY THAT DESCRIBES EXECUTION AND CHANGE, you are defaulting back to the fearful self-narrative just in case that change wasn't "true change", whatever that is. It's so deep that it feels normal to do what you're doing. However, from an outside perspective, it's easy to see that you're deluding yourself. You are journaling change and then redact it saying that you aren't changed. Sometimes change is 2 steps forward and 1 step back and instead of neurotically focusing on that step back, which is generally a fear reaction, how about you celebrate the 2 steps forward you took. Fixate on those 2 steps forward. Honestly, the only way you can say change isn't happening is because of self-delusion. How about you get honest with yourself and admit to YOURSELF, not anyone else, that part of your default disposition is fearful self-delusion. It may not FEEL like fear, but that's because you've become so accustomed to it that it feels normal. Just take some time and read your journal from the beginning and try to see it from an outside perspective. It might just be the catalyst you need to observe your self-delusion from an external perspective.
