07-15-2021, 06:11 AM
Day 59
I imagine fear existing as three tiers. These tiers progress from the simplest/outermost fears to the most complex/innermost fears. Each of these tiers consists of sub-tiers like levels in a video game. Each tier and sub-tier is increasingly difficult to overcome due to the depth and robustness of its root. According to this image, I feel like I'm at the final level of the simplest/outermost tier. It's not uncomfortable, but it's a fight.
Fear has had a push/pull effect on me with regard to physical fitness for years. I tend to be an "all or nothing" kind of guy. I'm either going to have a perfect routine and be ripped or I'm not going to waste my time... I'll just stay flabby. I think this is rooted in a deep-seated fear of failure. I either muster up enough energy to make sure I succeed by going all in or i don't even try. I justify this outlook with mind games...if i don't try, i don't fail. As I get older and slightly wiser, I realize more and more that this outlook is a failure-based mentality. That ultimately means that avoiding something due to fear of failure means that I'm accepting failure by default. That's a pretty simple truth that I've wrestled against for as long as I can remember. I perpetually allow "perfection " to get in the way of "good enough" and end up experiencing "nothing at all"...pathetic. Given that background, I decided yesterday that I would start taking steps toward getting back in shape. I hadn't worked out my diet plan but figured I would consciously reduce my calorie intake to jump start the practice of self-discipline. Before bed, a ravenous craving for something sweet hit me. Before I even realized what was happening I had eaten an apple coated in peanut butter and a huge bowl of ice cream. So much for self-discipline. While falling asleep, I went inside my mind to observe what was going on. That's when i realized that I'm in a struggle to level up to the next tier of fear. Apparently my half-hearted attempt at discipline triggered a fear response which, in turn, sabotaged my initial effort (if you even want to call it that). In the end, I can overcome it with proper planning but this post really isn't about fitness. It's about overcoming fear a d where I believe I am in that journey.
I imagine fear existing as three tiers. These tiers progress from the simplest/outermost fears to the most complex/innermost fears. Each of these tiers consists of sub-tiers like levels in a video game. Each tier and sub-tier is increasingly difficult to overcome due to the depth and robustness of its root. According to this image, I feel like I'm at the final level of the simplest/outermost tier. It's not uncomfortable, but it's a fight.
Fear has had a push/pull effect on me with regard to physical fitness for years. I tend to be an "all or nothing" kind of guy. I'm either going to have a perfect routine and be ripped or I'm not going to waste my time... I'll just stay flabby. I think this is rooted in a deep-seated fear of failure. I either muster up enough energy to make sure I succeed by going all in or i don't even try. I justify this outlook with mind games...if i don't try, i don't fail. As I get older and slightly wiser, I realize more and more that this outlook is a failure-based mentality. That ultimately means that avoiding something due to fear of failure means that I'm accepting failure by default. That's a pretty simple truth that I've wrestled against for as long as I can remember. I perpetually allow "perfection " to get in the way of "good enough" and end up experiencing "nothing at all"...pathetic. Given that background, I decided yesterday that I would start taking steps toward getting back in shape. I hadn't worked out my diet plan but figured I would consciously reduce my calorie intake to jump start the practice of self-discipline. Before bed, a ravenous craving for something sweet hit me. Before I even realized what was happening I had eaten an apple coated in peanut butter and a huge bowl of ice cream. So much for self-discipline. While falling asleep, I went inside my mind to observe what was going on. That's when i realized that I'm in a struggle to level up to the next tier of fear. Apparently my half-hearted attempt at discipline triggered a fear response which, in turn, sabotaged my initial effort (if you even want to call it that). In the end, I can overcome it with proper planning but this post really isn't about fitness. It's about overcoming fear a d where I believe I am in that journey.
