Back From The Living - Restarting [AM] by LionMonkey

[LionMonkey]

I actually think his carefreeness and sincerity got the girls to follow him around...

Very interesting.

[...] From my own experience, the most success I have had with girls have rather been following the example of the guy you are describing. In other words, not being particularly focused if I'm perceived masculine or not. Rather just going with the flow and creating emotional connections with girls, getting to know them, being in the moment and thanks to this cracking them up with jokes, etc. 

You are spot on! I have been too focused on staying masculine/alpha. Instead of showing different sides of me, making room for those emotional connections.

Must be because lately I've been very focused on business-related stuff on being a bad-a ss and not giving a damn what others think of you, basically being hard as a rock.

I think what has led me to focus on this was because I noticed I got weak, letting some people drain my energy and also devaluing myself, lowering my standards to others.

With that said, steel can be used to build tall buildings but it can't grow trees. So definitely letting my attention/focus flow more freely noticing more of the other person and whatever catches it (that isn't out to get something from me).

My own interpretation of masculinity is that it's more about how you conduct your life and your connection to a purpose and your goals, as well as having an integrity and keeping true to yourself, rather than "being in a certain type of way". Sure, it can be perceived masculine to have a "strong frame" and to seem unfazed by others, but if you are met with a guy who can create an emotional connection with the girl you will, as you experienced, be outcompeted. Remember - just as the song goes - "Girls just wanna have fun". You need to be able to have flexibility and playfulness and not give a damn about "your frame" to create a real emotional connection and making people relax around you.

One book I enjoyed reading about masculinity is David Deidas "The superior man", maybe you would appreciate it.

Yes it's very true. I feel I have my sh it together mostly and I feel like a man..

The certain type of way to be is a sneaky trap, I agree. 

I would also say the key is to be more carefree than the other guy. Because I've had many times in the past, where I was fun fun fun but girls would stay with masculine, cool guy. The fun wasn't always carefree enough. Even with fun, this nerdy guy was still leading physically and most of the times, the girls complied.

Sometimes it just takes a little fun and being cool i.e. carefree and she's hooked.

For example, I just came home a hour or two ago. I walked through the common kitchen and I was surprised to see a group of people sitting there just chatting. Around 10-15 people. 11 guys, 4 girls I knew 2-3 of the guys. 

I asked what they were doing and the hottest girl and guy beside her talked to me, rest were in circle conversation.

Just carefree small-talk 1-2 minutes, with fine voice-projection. I wish them well and head to my apartment. Forgot to give back a dish, so I walk bck to kitchen, leave it there and when I walked towards exit I lock eyes with the hot girl and she keeps staring all the way for like 3 seconds. Spanish/Portuguese girl.

I've read David D. The Way of The Superior Man 2x throughout the years but always refreshing to read/listen to that book. Thx for recommendation.

-LM