28/180
Day 28 ON - Tuesday June 15 - ON #1
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29/180
Day 29 ON - Wed June 16 - ON #2
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30/180
Day 30 OFF - Thurs June 17 - OFF #1
I havent been able to come on for the last 2 dates due to it being a hectic couple of days as I had a big exam today.
All I can share is what I recall which was I felt anxiety during times and procrastination around the prep for the exam.
However today was the day of the exam. I was fine until I left my apartment and then a whoosh of anxiety crept on me but it also left me quickly with my thoughts being thoughts that rationalised the fear. I got to the exam hall and then got nervous again but less anxious. It was as if I was trying to get more of a handle on the anxiety itself.
I also felt I think lastnight or today to maybe increase the sub again so im currently on 1 loop, 2 days on and 2 days off so maybe now or soon ill give 2 loops a try and see. This feeling wasnt an intense desire or anything but simply a thought to maybe see if ive yet to reach a sweet spot with this sub or perhaps simply increase the efficacy of it.
Ive had ZERO sleep due to this exam as well as my terrible sleep regime so noting it here for data.
So im reluctant to increase the sub until I get atleast a sensible number of hours of sleep at a sensible period but then that could also take me a while to reach so will see.
Since ive had no sleep today, I will aim to get to bed for 9pm if I can so if you dont hear from me later today have a good night yall lol
I also remembered that today I saw a gorgeous girl doing the exam. Shes not in my groups cycle so ive maybe only seen her 1 or 2 times in the last 3+ years the point is she was gorgeous and my friend who just talks and talks cockblocked me. Hes a dick!
Anyway then I was walking behind her on the way home and thought ill catch up but I had a mask on and also I have to focus on myself so I did speak to her as a friend but didnt take it any further as felt well with the pandemic too im not really going to go out of my way to meet a girl haha
I dont think this is fear but it definately isnt the gung-ho attitude of a risk taker either. Is this something OF can work on??
Day 28 ON - Tuesday June 15 - ON #1
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29/180
Day 29 ON - Wed June 16 - ON #2
----
30/180
Day 30 OFF - Thurs June 17 - OFF #1
I havent been able to come on for the last 2 dates due to it being a hectic couple of days as I had a big exam today.
All I can share is what I recall which was I felt anxiety during times and procrastination around the prep for the exam.
However today was the day of the exam. I was fine until I left my apartment and then a whoosh of anxiety crept on me but it also left me quickly with my thoughts being thoughts that rationalised the fear. I got to the exam hall and then got nervous again but less anxious. It was as if I was trying to get more of a handle on the anxiety itself.
I also felt I think lastnight or today to maybe increase the sub again so im currently on 1 loop, 2 days on and 2 days off so maybe now or soon ill give 2 loops a try and see. This feeling wasnt an intense desire or anything but simply a thought to maybe see if ive yet to reach a sweet spot with this sub or perhaps simply increase the efficacy of it.
Ive had ZERO sleep due to this exam as well as my terrible sleep regime so noting it here for data.
So im reluctant to increase the sub until I get atleast a sensible number of hours of sleep at a sensible period but then that could also take me a while to reach so will see.
Since ive had no sleep today, I will aim to get to bed for 9pm if I can so if you dont hear from me later today have a good night yall lol
I also remembered that today I saw a gorgeous girl doing the exam. Shes not in my groups cycle so ive maybe only seen her 1 or 2 times in the last 3+ years the point is she was gorgeous and my friend who just talks and talks cockblocked me. Hes a dick!
Anyway then I was walking behind her on the way home and thought ill catch up but I had a mask on and also I have to focus on myself so I did speak to her as a friend but didnt take it any further as felt well with the pandemic too im not really going to go out of my way to meet a girl haha
I dont think this is fear but it definately isnt the gung-ho attitude of a risk taker either. Is this something OF can work on??
OF3 5.75.7G 13/15Vol
1L-2O/3OF; (1L-2/2 5/6); (2L 19/6); (3L 27/6); (4L 9/7); (H4L 25/7)
W 19 May
MLS 5.5G: ≈70days x2, IYGSH: 54, E2: 78+48, DMSI 3.2: 56 & 22, UMOP1: 57+UMOP2: 33 = 90+10 US v12/15=100, OF: 45, OF2: 56days
1L-2O/3OF; (1L-2/2 5/6); (2L 19/6); (3L 27/6); (4L 9/7); (H4L 25/7)
W 19 May
MLS 5.5G: ≈70days x2, IYGSH: 54, E2: 78+48, DMSI 3.2: 56 & 22, UMOP1: 57+UMOP2: 33 = 90+10 US v12/15=100, OF: 45, OF2: 56days
