Hitting a wall with subs

[Shannon]

Im using E4 according to instructions with masked format. 

It might be helpful to give some additional information about my subliminal history. So before E4 I was on OFv1, first couple of months I was on masked format and things were going good and a lot of surface level fears were being dealt with. Further down the line I increased the volume slightly. Things were still going alright but eventually started to turn for the worse. Impatient as I was I changed to US after a while (maybe 3 months in) because I thought that it would help me get out of my already negative rut and deal with fears faster. Didnt took too long and I became really apatethic and depressed with lots of tension in my head. I eventually stopped because it was unbearable. Took a break for a month and started E4 with masked format and 2-3 weeks in and above symptoms started to appear again.

You say wall of fear and I think that make sense. Im more anxious and stressed than normal, sleep poorly and sometimes have nightmares were I experience extreme forms of fear. Since I was a kid I always burried my emotions and I think that I early on decided subconsciously that I will never look at them. Your subs being so strong is forcing it to come up. I remember during my OF run while on masked format sometimes when I took a nap while listening, huge amounts of emotions were being pulled up and it almost felt like my chest was going to explode from all the energy, until I woke up.

Alright, so it would seem that the programs are working, but you've trained yourself to cope with things by stuffing them down and burying them.  That's not good.  If you're experiencing this level of apathy and depression from the programs, it's probably for the same reason you started doing this (stuffing your emotions down instead of dealing with and expressing them).  Did you ever get or feel punished or hurt for expressing your feelings when you were younger, and decide to suppress them?

Some part of you is afraid to let go of your fear, and likely believes that they are keeping you safe.  When you started getting somewhere, it responded with more depression likely because it felt hopeless to be able to resist the subliminal forever.  So in order to get you to stop using it so it would not have to achieve the goals that frighten it, it pushed that depression onto your conscious mind as a way of either communicating it's feelings very loudly, or punishing you consciously, or trying to get you to stop, or some combination of those.

There's not a whole lot of options.  You can give up, try to push through, or go find someone to help you deal with the root cause of this.  If I were in your shoes, I think a good hypnotherapist or psychotherapist would be what I would probably try to find.  Someone who can help you untangle the root cause and safely deal with any depression.

If you want to try to just push through, remember that "harder isn't always better".  You might want to try Ultrasonic format, starting at the lowest possible volume and working up one click every week until you find yourself having issues, and then back it off one notch and stay there until it gets better.  Then try to increase it another notch, and so forth.  Depression isn't something to take lightly, so you'll do well to proceed with caution, and as I said, I would seek out someone who could help me untangle it while making sure the depression was safely managed.

But try to figure out what I asked... is there a situation where you got so hurt or punished for something that it caused you to decide to stuff down, hide, deny your emotions instead of dealing with and expressing them?  If you can locate some trigger event for that choice, and then release the choice and change it to "I choose to deal with and express my emotions," that should help immensely.