03-08-2021, 09:32 AM
(03-08-2021, 08:26 AM)THolt Wrote:(03-08-2021, 03:35 AM)NOMAD Wrote: Day 3
I started using OFv2 sooner than I had originally planned. Saturday night I was lying in bed, restless and ruminating over a particular topic that was stoking my anxiety. Although I was tired, I couldn't sleep. So, I turned on my OFv2 playlist of three Ultrasonic loops at a volume of 12/15 clicks. Soon, I was drifting off to sleep. I looked at my phone to see how much time had lapsed...17 minutes and 2 seconds. Impressive.
The next day I was pretty tired and ended up getting in bed early. I didn't allow an adequate break following LTU6, so that's to be expected.
Last night I woke up multiple times. Each time I had the very appropriate lyrics from the following song playing in my mind:
Well I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder, children get older
And I'm getting older too
I've built my entire life around fear. I don't know what to do without it. But I have a limited number of years in front of me and I need to use the time that I still have wisely.
This morning, I threw the covers off of me. I was sweating in a cold room. I was even trembling at one point. I was also experiencing butterflies in my stomach. I felt like I was a kid in the fifth grade again, totally eaten up with anxiety. The butterflies have eased up since I've been awake, but the heat is still there.
I've been looking forward to running OFv2 for a long time now and I'm pleased to see that it's already going to work. Considering how strongly fear has asserted it's influence in my life, I suspect that this sub is going to be something special for me. I'm looking forward to being free from this immense burden I've carried throughout my life.
[url=https://genius.com/Fleetwood-mac-landslide-lyrics#note-2207764][/url]
I plan on running OF V2 after E4 in June. I am very much looking forward to it. E4 has dealt with a lot of emotional issues but I think fear holds me back more than I realize.
Fear has simultaneously been a source of motivation and constraint for me. It will be interesting to see what's left once the fear is gone. I should have a clearer image of who I really am. That's exciting.
