Thursday 8 October - Day 4 of Cycle 2
Lastnight I hit play on the playlist for the sub and I went to bed and my mind was active and not restful at all. Also for around 5mins maybe 10 I kept seeing images of demons in my room. Flashing from 1 kind to another. Maybe it was only a minute actually but it was weird. It was like those spectral ghosts from the modern horror american movies were in the corner of my room. I had my eyes shut, mind racing and these fearful imagines were in my mind. so what the heck is this??
The other thing to note is that last night it ended with that girl after 3-4 days. Im not sure what to share as this isnt DMSI nor is this the place to write alot except to say that I made a joke that she took badly (I can only assume) and she hung up and removed me from snapchat. She has ignored my messages on the chat app I met her on. I am so confused! A female friend on the chat app is trying to chat to her and see if she can break the wall and get her to communicate with me.
I keep doing this, soon as I meet a girl that ticks many of my boxes that I have for the ONE, then I fall for them and think about the future, a married life etc. Im not a girl yet I behave this way. My friend said it happens to us all but that im needy. How do I get rid of this neediness
how do I stop messing up with girls
addendum: My sleep cycle has been improving. I had to make changes and I have already stopped all coca cola and normal english type of teas in favour of herbal however im trying to bring my sleep cycle back by 1 hour per day until i get to the time I want to get to bed which is 9pm to wake at 6am. This means I would have no life but it means I can wake up and try and focus on my goals etc. So ive been using amino acid neurtransmitters with the help of a professional and some days they work some days they do not but ive managed to bring my sleep suddenly back to where im waking today for example at 10am rather than the usual 2-3pm. Today my pattern is messed due to cooking alot that I can freeze so ill get to bed whatever time I can and then see.
Also today no music playing in my head etc.
Lastnight I hit play on the playlist for the sub and I went to bed and my mind was active and not restful at all. Also for around 5mins maybe 10 I kept seeing images of demons in my room. Flashing from 1 kind to another. Maybe it was only a minute actually but it was weird. It was like those spectral ghosts from the modern horror american movies were in the corner of my room. I had my eyes shut, mind racing and these fearful imagines were in my mind. so what the heck is this??
The other thing to note is that last night it ended with that girl after 3-4 days. Im not sure what to share as this isnt DMSI nor is this the place to write alot except to say that I made a joke that she took badly (I can only assume) and she hung up and removed me from snapchat. She has ignored my messages on the chat app I met her on. I am so confused! A female friend on the chat app is trying to chat to her and see if she can break the wall and get her to communicate with me.
I keep doing this, soon as I meet a girl that ticks many of my boxes that I have for the ONE, then I fall for them and think about the future, a married life etc. Im not a girl yet I behave this way. My friend said it happens to us all but that im needy. How do I get rid of this neediness
how do I stop messing up with girls addendum: My sleep cycle has been improving. I had to make changes and I have already stopped all coca cola and normal english type of teas in favour of herbal however im trying to bring my sleep cycle back by 1 hour per day until i get to the time I want to get to bed which is 9pm to wake at 6am. This means I would have no life but it means I can wake up and try and focus on my goals etc. So ive been using amino acid neurtransmitters with the help of a professional and some days they work some days they do not but ive managed to bring my sleep suddenly back to where im waking today for example at 10am rather than the usual 2-3pm. Today my pattern is messed due to cooking alot that I can freeze so ill get to bed whatever time I can and then see.
Also today no music playing in my head etc.
OF3 5.75.7G 13/15Vol
1L-2O/3OF; (1L-2/2 5/6); (2L 19/6); (3L 27/6); (4L 9/7); (H4L 25/7)
W 19 May
MLS 5.5G: ≈70days x2, IYGSH: 54, E2: 78+48, DMSI 3.2: 56 & 22, UMOP1: 57+UMOP2: 33 = 90+10 US v12/15=100, OF: 45, OF2: 56days
1L-2O/3OF; (1L-2/2 5/6); (2L 19/6); (3L 27/6); (4L 9/7); (H4L 25/7)
W 19 May
MLS 5.5G: ≈70days x2, IYGSH: 54, E2: 78+48, DMSI 3.2: 56 & 22, UMOP1: 57+UMOP2: 33 = 90+10 US v12/15=100, OF: 45, OF2: 56days
