07-29-2012, 07:51 PM
Will do. There's so much variety with these subs sometimes I don't know where to start haha. But picking something is better than nothing.
So just a minor update. I've noticed in the presence of this sub I get strong feelings of emotion a lot of the time. Most notably an anxious feeling and tightness around my chest. I've been listening to it 24/7 as much as possible, so there is a lot of work going on.
I'm not sure how I'm really supposed to determine when the negativity has been addressed or removed. Sometimes I have feelings of euphoria after I feel like something has been removed that last anywhere from 5 minutes to the rest of the day. Most of the time I've listened to subs I get an anxious feelings, which doesn't really surprise me because I have a lot of trouble with change. But I feel like this sub has definitely been helping me with that fear and I've been slowly growing more and more accepting of it.
My dreams have definitely been varied lately. My last one I vaguely remember what it was about, but I think I was in a classroom and a teacher was being an authoritative figure abusing her power. So I let her have it verbally haha. I recall a lot of those dreams, I'd say it's my desire to be able to stand up to the jerks in the world and stand up for myself. Something I felt I never really had as a younger kid was the confidence to stand up to other kids that put me down, and I feel like that hate was directed inward.
But yeah I feel like I'm understanding a lot and gaining more insight into how I've never been strong when I needed to. Instead of addressing it and telling myself that I was afraid and the truth was I wasn't confident enough, I'd just tell myself I just wasn't an aggressive person. Which is crap because it has nothing to do with being aggressive, it has to do with having the confidence to stand up for myself and not be afraid. In general I'm a nice guy, but I've realized not putting your foot down will cause people to walk all over you. And the only reason I'd let that happen in the past was fear, not because I was taking the higher road or it didn't bother me. It did bother me, and it bothered me even more that I was too afraid to do anything about it.
I've been pretty sensitive most my life and I find because of this sensitivity I have greater empathy with most people and I make it a point not to hurt anyone. However, it is not a healthy balance because I don't have that underlying confidence to protect myself as well. I've been noticing a recurring theme in my life lately about balance, finding the middle or mean. Seeing in black and white seems to be how most individuals think, it's hard to see the grey area. But I've found that that is such an important area to understand.
So just a minor update. I've noticed in the presence of this sub I get strong feelings of emotion a lot of the time. Most notably an anxious feeling and tightness around my chest. I've been listening to it 24/7 as much as possible, so there is a lot of work going on.
I'm not sure how I'm really supposed to determine when the negativity has been addressed or removed. Sometimes I have feelings of euphoria after I feel like something has been removed that last anywhere from 5 minutes to the rest of the day. Most of the time I've listened to subs I get an anxious feelings, which doesn't really surprise me because I have a lot of trouble with change. But I feel like this sub has definitely been helping me with that fear and I've been slowly growing more and more accepting of it.
My dreams have definitely been varied lately. My last one I vaguely remember what it was about, but I think I was in a classroom and a teacher was being an authoritative figure abusing her power. So I let her have it verbally haha. I recall a lot of those dreams, I'd say it's my desire to be able to stand up to the jerks in the world and stand up for myself. Something I felt I never really had as a younger kid was the confidence to stand up to other kids that put me down, and I feel like that hate was directed inward.
But yeah I feel like I'm understanding a lot and gaining more insight into how I've never been strong when I needed to. Instead of addressing it and telling myself that I was afraid and the truth was I wasn't confident enough, I'd just tell myself I just wasn't an aggressive person. Which is crap because it has nothing to do with being aggressive, it has to do with having the confidence to stand up for myself and not be afraid. In general I'm a nice guy, but I've realized not putting your foot down will cause people to walk all over you. And the only reason I'd let that happen in the past was fear, not because I was taking the higher road or it didn't bother me. It did bother me, and it bothered me even more that I was too afraid to do anything about it.
I've been pretty sensitive most my life and I find because of this sensitivity I have greater empathy with most people and I make it a point not to hurt anyone. However, it is not a healthy balance because I don't have that underlying confidence to protect myself as well. I've been noticing a recurring theme in my life lately about balance, finding the middle or mean. Seeing in black and white seems to be how most individuals think, it's hard to see the grey area. But I've found that that is such an important area to understand.
