07-27-2012, 05:41 PM
I've been doing my best to try to just be myself. I've been more conscious of when I start comparing myself to others. Most of the time it's just me trying to fit in to the world. I've felt like an alien at times. I'm growing out my hair again because I'm tired of just conforming to the standards of what's acceptable in society. I realized most the time I cut my hair was just so I could get more attention from girls or that I needed to appear more masculine. If I put so much effort into how other's perceive me, I'm not being myself. If I'm going to have shorter hair, it's gonna be for me not anyone else.
I've noticed that this sub still gives me strong feelings when I'm exposed to it. Some days I wake up feeling like a million bucks. Other days I wake up in a haze and rather sluggish. I feel like I'm making progress, a bit. I really don't know how much negativity I really have internalized. It's possible that my consistent anxiety and lack of confidence in general might be attributed to the accumulation of more negativity.
Anyway this sub is a bit tricky to pinpoint. Change for me tends to be subtle. I was going to run this sub for about 3 months and I'm on month 2. I've noticed that outside circumstances or hard times don't make me turn towards myself in hatred anymore. Instead when things get tough I recognize that yeah it's hard, but it doesn't make me less of a person. I guess it has done it's job, I no longer have negativity towards myself or put myself down as much. I guess I still have a little problem with self esteem, but that's mostly because of my social anxiety. Growing up things were really difficult and there is no doubt in my mind I formed a very poor image of myself in my early years.
I've noticed that this sub still gives me strong feelings when I'm exposed to it. Some days I wake up feeling like a million bucks. Other days I wake up in a haze and rather sluggish. I feel like I'm making progress, a bit. I really don't know how much negativity I really have internalized. It's possible that my consistent anxiety and lack of confidence in general might be attributed to the accumulation of more negativity.
Anyway this sub is a bit tricky to pinpoint. Change for me tends to be subtle. I was going to run this sub for about 3 months and I'm on month 2. I've noticed that outside circumstances or hard times don't make me turn towards myself in hatred anymore. Instead when things get tough I recognize that yeah it's hard, but it doesn't make me less of a person. I guess it has done it's job, I no longer have negativity towards myself or put myself down as much. I guess I still have a little problem with self esteem, but that's mostly because of my social anxiety. Growing up things were really difficult and there is no doubt in my mind I formed a very poor image of myself in my early years.
