05-07-2020, 08:41 AM
(This post was last modified: 05-07-2020, 10:24 AM by Have at ye.)
Okay, now we're talking.
Had a very... weird evening yestrnight, but the conclusion of it (internally speaking) is kinda awesome in a wonky way. The gist of it (I might write a longer post on this, but I've yet to ponder this): I'm absolutely filled with self-hate and self-loathing on many different levels and for multiple reasons, but that's fucking awesome and I'm awesome and I love myself because of it as well, hahahaha. In short: I believe that my carpet-bombing of the DRS (and having gotten in-person experiential proof that it's working the way I had hoped it would, re: my vocal coach) has given me space to *acknowledge this* [EDIT: and *own it*] without having to worry about "getting kicked while I'm down" or even simply giving satisfaction to lovely people who enjoy seeing others indulge in self-loathing for *reasons*, lol. Okay, so, you made me hate myself, lol. Good job, you win, have a cookie. Who gives a shit, really? Not this boi.
(I believe this is related to that annoying "break" around my heart chakra and around my heart that's been *notoriously* difficult for me to fix, despite using my highly scientific tactic of "throw everything including the kitchen sink at it, see what sticks", lol)
As to SDM: I decided to increase the volume a touch today, it seems to have been a good idea. The first two loops and a half of the third made me feel energized and swanky, as I've come to expect, the fourth one made me pretty tired.
Now, apparently, my "Rasputin glare" has decided to make a spontaneous comeback when I see a lovely lady, and lovely ladies are responding to it. Too bad about the masks that everyone's obligated to wear now, though - in my experience, it's best to follow up the "Rasputin glare" with a comforting smile, y'know. Kinda tricky when I'm in my Darth Vader getup.
Also, as I was working with my vocal coach at her place today, her highly attractive 20y/o daughter decided to sashay down to the salon where we were practicing the bardic and prance about it multiple times wearing *indecently* tiny shorts. Now that's just mean to a horny boi who's trying to focus.
Had a very... weird evening yestrnight, but the conclusion of it (internally speaking) is kinda awesome in a wonky way. The gist of it (I might write a longer post on this, but I've yet to ponder this): I'm absolutely filled with self-hate and self-loathing on many different levels and for multiple reasons, but that's fucking awesome and I'm awesome and I love myself because of it as well, hahahaha. In short: I believe that my carpet-bombing of the DRS (and having gotten in-person experiential proof that it's working the way I had hoped it would, re: my vocal coach) has given me space to *acknowledge this* [EDIT: and *own it*] without having to worry about "getting kicked while I'm down" or even simply giving satisfaction to lovely people who enjoy seeing others indulge in self-loathing for *reasons*, lol. Okay, so, you made me hate myself, lol. Good job, you win, have a cookie. Who gives a shit, really? Not this boi.
(I believe this is related to that annoying "break" around my heart chakra and around my heart that's been *notoriously* difficult for me to fix, despite using my highly scientific tactic of "throw everything including the kitchen sink at it, see what sticks", lol)
As to SDM: I decided to increase the volume a touch today, it seems to have been a good idea. The first two loops and a half of the third made me feel energized and swanky, as I've come to expect, the fourth one made me pretty tired.
Now, apparently, my "Rasputin glare" has decided to make a spontaneous comeback when I see a lovely lady, and lovely ladies are responding to it. Too bad about the masks that everyone's obligated to wear now, though - in my experience, it's best to follow up the "Rasputin glare" with a comforting smile, y'know. Kinda tricky when I'm in my Darth Vader getup.
Also, as I was working with my vocal coach at her place today, her highly attractive 20y/o daughter decided to sashay down to the salon where we were practicing the bardic and prance about it multiple times wearing *indecently* tiny shorts. Now that's just mean to a horny boi who's trying to focus.
"A man who is doing his True Will has the inertia of the Universe to assist him." - A. Crowley
