Ran 5 loops overnight, running ultrasonic as we speak.
I dont know what to feel, how to feel or what im experiencing. Its a weird mix of confusion regarding direction and what to do. Its as if Im standing with my back against the wall and internally things go haywire. Perhaps an untanglement or something going on.
Today im also reflecting on death. Sense of self importance and all of this reflected in the grand scheme of things. In the grand cosmic scheme, imvway less important, which is fine, as it releases pressure. Similar to death meditation "imagine you are dead" and what it means for limiting beliefs. They dont serve anything when you are dead, because, well, you are dead.
Im no stranger to being "harsh" on myself. It seems to kill my creative juices, thus approaching it in the light of "its just a hobby" gets the brakes off.
Im hard on myself out of frustration. Already feel the urge to delete this post again. Im hard on myself because ive seen the easiness of making money, yet aint doing as much as I could, and thus feel that im sabotaging my life on hold.
What is the ouweighing benefit thats underneath, that creates this? There has to be something, that remains still more rewarding while knowing this aint leading anywhere.
Enough. I know I have healing to do. I hope UMS breaks the paradigm tbh.
I dont know what to feel, how to feel or what im experiencing. Its a weird mix of confusion regarding direction and what to do. Its as if Im standing with my back against the wall and internally things go haywire. Perhaps an untanglement or something going on.
Today im also reflecting on death. Sense of self importance and all of this reflected in the grand scheme of things. In the grand cosmic scheme, imvway less important, which is fine, as it releases pressure. Similar to death meditation "imagine you are dead" and what it means for limiting beliefs. They dont serve anything when you are dead, because, well, you are dead.
Im no stranger to being "harsh" on myself. It seems to kill my creative juices, thus approaching it in the light of "its just a hobby" gets the brakes off.
Im hard on myself out of frustration. Already feel the urge to delete this post again. Im hard on myself because ive seen the easiness of making money, yet aint doing as much as I could, and thus feel that im sabotaging my life on hold.
What is the ouweighing benefit thats underneath, that creates this? There has to be something, that remains still more rewarding while knowing this aint leading anywhere.
Enough. I know I have healing to do. I hope UMS breaks the paradigm tbh.
