So, one of the mainthemes and key is boundaries. As someone who has a history regarding childhood, and in which discard is a theme ( interesting to follow this thread ) Im aware of "people pleasing triggers" its an trauma coping response. Like, the discard leading into a pattern of overcompensating and being a "good guy" im aware of the deeper, more primal way, which is hella fun and edgy.
Anyways, so, it basically comes to "gettin my fix" or, a sense of "loss". Lets say you get praise, all is fine. One guy rejects or says something, and the loop starts. Total fixation to "get what you want" an itch, a triggered "need". This also comes back to the whole "control" thingie. Distrust, because things dont go my way. Which I also saw bigtime in him, and thus set me off. It comes across as heavy, drainy, woe is me, you owe me, along with nasty tendencies which feel even actually dirty and nontrustworthy ( reflecting back here on my self in a paralel sense )
So, talk happened about meeting up in the whatsapp group, and tbf, im done. Im pretty much at a point that I set boundaries, standards, thrive ( conditional to the point in all is well, till something is said, and the bomb impacts, overreacton yet translates so..) now, the passive agressiveness started. Guilt tripping and manipulation tactics. Its something I have to separate from as it is a consent, a choice in a sense. Frame-battle.
Im realizing all has been spoken, his word hold mere value just because I assign so, and here I draw the line. Investing in boundaries and cultivating, sticking to them no matter the storm will grow me as a person and in term, benefits beyond me. Such as relationships and leading my life. Distractions are reframed and im healing.
Im having urges to run ASC.am also curious as to how DRS would do.
Im asking myself "what am I trying to get out off?" It all flows smoothly.
Lesson to myself " I aint responsible. I dont have to do anything with it, take it or leave it"
Its funny, how, as you truly start to monopolize your time, priorities, time investment and ate high on your goal, masks drop off. They arent really haters, or they are, but surely there is exposure going on, a rattling and shift of "hierachy" an disruption. You shake the crabs in a bucket ( and this one was baaaad, a big mess) Im really rethinking my understanding of friendship, what I want, qualities, and im sensing something bigger. For all I lnow, social life is capital, and being socially savvy gets you miles ahead plus has tons of benefit.
Im surely making to much of afuzz of this. The past is tge past,done is done i can ask myself to what extent am I toxic, then again it might be shame for whatever reason.
Whatever seems the right word.
Whatever.
Edit: im having some DMSI like effects mixing in while im running UMS solo. It also has a strong success signature to it. Pretty neat, pretty fun.
Anyways, so, it basically comes to "gettin my fix" or, a sense of "loss". Lets say you get praise, all is fine. One guy rejects or says something, and the loop starts. Total fixation to "get what you want" an itch, a triggered "need". This also comes back to the whole "control" thingie. Distrust, because things dont go my way. Which I also saw bigtime in him, and thus set me off. It comes across as heavy, drainy, woe is me, you owe me, along with nasty tendencies which feel even actually dirty and nontrustworthy ( reflecting back here on my self in a paralel sense )
So, talk happened about meeting up in the whatsapp group, and tbf, im done. Im pretty much at a point that I set boundaries, standards, thrive ( conditional to the point in all is well, till something is said, and the bomb impacts, overreacton yet translates so..) now, the passive agressiveness started. Guilt tripping and manipulation tactics. Its something I have to separate from as it is a consent, a choice in a sense. Frame-battle.
Im realizing all has been spoken, his word hold mere value just because I assign so, and here I draw the line. Investing in boundaries and cultivating, sticking to them no matter the storm will grow me as a person and in term, benefits beyond me. Such as relationships and leading my life. Distractions are reframed and im healing.
Im having urges to run ASC.am also curious as to how DRS would do.
Im asking myself "what am I trying to get out off?" It all flows smoothly.
Lesson to myself " I aint responsible. I dont have to do anything with it, take it or leave it"
Its funny, how, as you truly start to monopolize your time, priorities, time investment and ate high on your goal, masks drop off. They arent really haters, or they are, but surely there is exposure going on, a rattling and shift of "hierachy" an disruption. You shake the crabs in a bucket ( and this one was baaaad, a big mess) Im really rethinking my understanding of friendship, what I want, qualities, and im sensing something bigger. For all I lnow, social life is capital, and being socially savvy gets you miles ahead plus has tons of benefit.
Im surely making to much of afuzz of this. The past is tge past,done is done i can ask myself to what extent am I toxic, then again it might be shame for whatever reason.
Whatever seems the right word.
Whatever.
Edit: im having some DMSI like effects mixing in while im running UMS solo. It also has a strong success signature to it. Pretty neat, pretty fun.
