Felt this morning as if I was in a am6 state enhanced by ums. Im aware ums is heavily busy beneath the surface.
Also DMSI is calling, funny as im dealing with social life stuff and despise former life people. Smalltown syndrome. Fuck man, this is in line with saviour complex, neediness and co-dependence things.
Im having urges to move to a bigger city. There is a hint of escapism going on, like no matter the conditions/circumstances, internally? Things might remain the same. Its a sense its ums dealing with shit.
Bigger picture this an non issue. Level up the complete playing field.
Edit1: its clear im going through some healing and clearing at this point. I want to be fearless. Living. Being free of issues. At times I wonder what my baseline is. Is it comfort in negativity or what? It might be a hopefull thing and something that I consider last night; what if I just let go of everything. This surely stirrs up some fears, like its at the root of it all, like something is exposed and goes haywire. Like barestripping of all, and what is left then? No place to hide.
I want to be free and solid in my social interactions. In my mind its just flow. Its almost like a justification and coping. Resistance to friends. Feeling stuck, hopeless and triggered then, while that doesnt have to be so. Not participating seems to be resistance as I know the possibility of taking the lead fully, and being alpha. Life is one big party and adventure.
Why cant I just let go? Why is that? Im running a loop now as I felt sadness grow.
Going out is fine.
Meeting new people is fine, a flourishing and active social life is fine
Just being and appreciating in the dbest shit is fine.
For reason I make it a fuss. I remember pre-fuss times.
I understand the minimalism and scratch out you see in those top 10 succesfull people lists, how it kickstarts into discipline and compounding and momentum building, but you never know. I get that, the purpose, but man, this full focus sacrifice? Really? The most random experiences can hold tremendous value. Going out, doing crazy shit, people = options tho.
I feel lonely. Fuck.
Also DMSI is calling, funny as im dealing with social life stuff and despise former life people. Smalltown syndrome. Fuck man, this is in line with saviour complex, neediness and co-dependence things.
Im having urges to move to a bigger city. There is a hint of escapism going on, like no matter the conditions/circumstances, internally? Things might remain the same. Its a sense its ums dealing with shit.
Bigger picture this an non issue. Level up the complete playing field.
Edit1: its clear im going through some healing and clearing at this point. I want to be fearless. Living. Being free of issues. At times I wonder what my baseline is. Is it comfort in negativity or what? It might be a hopefull thing and something that I consider last night; what if I just let go of everything. This surely stirrs up some fears, like its at the root of it all, like something is exposed and goes haywire. Like barestripping of all, and what is left then? No place to hide.
I want to be free and solid in my social interactions. In my mind its just flow. Its almost like a justification and coping. Resistance to friends. Feeling stuck, hopeless and triggered then, while that doesnt have to be so. Not participating seems to be resistance as I know the possibility of taking the lead fully, and being alpha. Life is one big party and adventure.
Why cant I just let go? Why is that? Im running a loop now as I felt sadness grow.
Going out is fine.
Meeting new people is fine, a flourishing and active social life is fine
Just being and appreciating in the dbest shit is fine.
For reason I make it a fuss. I remember pre-fuss times.
I understand the minimalism and scratch out you see in those top 10 succesfull people lists, how it kickstarts into discipline and compounding and momentum building, but you never know. I get that, the purpose, but man, this full focus sacrifice? Really? The most random experiences can hold tremendous value. Going out, doing crazy shit, people = options tho.
I feel lonely. Fuck.
