12-18-2019, 04:15 AM
thank you Shannon for chiming in and clarify ideas. it is appreciated.
Cycle #1, day 11 (day off #3):
This morning I woke up with my last night dreams fresh. I'm already starting to lose small details. It seems unrelated to DMSI.
I was a kid in high school and was receiving army like treatment in punishment to break someone's will to contest dumb authority. There was a teacher/principal possibly insecure that was taking bad decision that I was disagreeing with and in order to break dissent, he did abuse his power.
This has nothing to do with DMSI but with what I'm currently living...
The stupid parking ticket appeal and the legal notice sent to me by the city. Yesterday, I decided to give up contesting the unfair ticket. I haven't accomplished my dream of financial success yet to continue all fights. I need to drop the less important ones.
but the dream is real... I can almost touch it. It is very vivid in my mind.
In terms of women interaction. Yesterday, I have been stuck at one because one of my daughter got a stomach flu the night before. No gym... I went to the pharmacy... I felt something unusual with the female cashier... On the surface.. not my type... a little bit overweight... but as the interaction was going on... I was starting to notice small details that I started like... such as her nails and hands... her lips... her smile... her energy... Having some open mind was allowing me to notice details that I am usually blind to. I felt like I was starting to connect with her on a subtle and sexual level...
It was weird... I guess someone reading that would say yeah.. you started having beer glasses or I was desperately horny and lowering my standards... Nope. It wasn't any of this... I was just noticing things and allowing them to affect me with no judgement or shame.
Cycle #1, day 11 (day off #3):
This morning I woke up with my last night dreams fresh. I'm already starting to lose small details. It seems unrelated to DMSI.
I was a kid in high school and was receiving army like treatment in punishment to break someone's will to contest dumb authority. There was a teacher/principal possibly insecure that was taking bad decision that I was disagreeing with and in order to break dissent, he did abuse his power.
This has nothing to do with DMSI but with what I'm currently living...
The stupid parking ticket appeal and the legal notice sent to me by the city. Yesterday, I decided to give up contesting the unfair ticket. I haven't accomplished my dream of financial success yet to continue all fights. I need to drop the less important ones.
but the dream is real... I can almost touch it. It is very vivid in my mind.
In terms of women interaction. Yesterday, I have been stuck at one because one of my daughter got a stomach flu the night before. No gym... I went to the pharmacy... I felt something unusual with the female cashier... On the surface.. not my type... a little bit overweight... but as the interaction was going on... I was starting to notice small details that I started like... such as her nails and hands... her lips... her smile... her energy... Having some open mind was allowing me to notice details that I am usually blind to. I felt like I was starting to connect with her on a subtle and sexual level...
It was weird... I guess someone reading that would say yeah.. you started having beer glasses or I was desperately horny and lowering my standards... Nope. It wasn't any of this... I was just noticing things and allowing them to affect me with no judgement or shame.
