Findingme's UMS journal

[findingme]

Thank you, EP. I just got back from walking and I enjoyed it. I realized my main freedom points on E2 were when the Overcome the Victim Mentality message was drilling down in my thinking. No kidding there. I thought more about this, and 95% of my suffering regarding traumas I've felt was because (waaaa) no one rescued me. The events I've rarely if ever dealt with. The remembrances that I was alone were my biggest pain points. Even now, my actual traumas can be dealt with by me, but when I expect the same one who hurt me to come and rescue me, I'm spinning in circles feeling tons of fear and abandonment. That's what happened with me and my brother. And that's been my cycle. Always seeking one who hurt me to rescue me as well. I know it's fucked up, so I admit it knowing our experiences affect what Shannon scripts in his subs. I'm doing the same as an abused wife returning to her abuser thinking "he loves me. He can change".

That's my story. It's what I've done. I'm actively learning to do differently, and the subs here are responsible for that.