It's been ages since I slept and dreamed like that. I listened to 2 loops of UMS last night, but even before it ended, I put in earplugs since my neighbors were out on the porch talking late. I'm realizing I've pasted this image and personality of my brother on the guy, he does constantly talk or complain about nothing, and I put earplugs in so I wouldn't be kept up by his complaining. My focus was not on others waking up; it was on me.
Upon waking up, I paid attention to what I felt, and I'd slightly disconnected from some fear--maybe some was dealt with last night. I realized I was thinking of my feelings and experiences my whole childhood in the church. This felt similar to the fears and feelings I had yesterday, so I felt guarded and saddened, both. I have not had sexual experiences in the church of any kind, but these feelings had me wondering if I've buried something. It's worth mentioning since I had trust in both, and one is known to have crossed lines. While writing that, I wanted and will write "I allowed my brother to cross lines" since blame has put attention on things not leading to healing. I know I was tangled in this web, and blaming takes power and attention away from who I have control over, which is me.
I turned on 2 loops of UMS before I began writing. Tears and fears might have flooded it out; it's happened in the past. I'll report changes and experiences today.
On a UMS note, I haven't written about monetary changes, as this internal stuff has been my focus. However, I'm making thousands a day mining bitcoin, it comes in steadily, and I'm going to alter how I fund it, as my income is presently at 1% ROI per month. I'll keep this in place but transfer funds to my miner, who makes 200% per week. Flipping that amount has been my aim for almost a month now. It's retirement money, and I'll transfer some into whole life insurance policies for safety and future income.
Upon waking up, I paid attention to what I felt, and I'd slightly disconnected from some fear--maybe some was dealt with last night. I realized I was thinking of my feelings and experiences my whole childhood in the church. This felt similar to the fears and feelings I had yesterday, so I felt guarded and saddened, both. I have not had sexual experiences in the church of any kind, but these feelings had me wondering if I've buried something. It's worth mentioning since I had trust in both, and one is known to have crossed lines. While writing that, I wanted and will write "I allowed my brother to cross lines" since blame has put attention on things not leading to healing. I know I was tangled in this web, and blaming takes power and attention away from who I have control over, which is me.
I turned on 2 loops of UMS before I began writing. Tears and fears might have flooded it out; it's happened in the past. I'll report changes and experiences today.
On a UMS note, I haven't written about monetary changes, as this internal stuff has been my focus. However, I'm making thousands a day mining bitcoin, it comes in steadily, and I'm going to alter how I fund it, as my income is presently at 1% ROI per month. I'll keep this in place but transfer funds to my miner, who makes 200% per week. Flipping that amount has been my aim for almost a month now. It's retirement money, and I'll transfer some into whole life insurance policies for safety and future income.
I want to be FREE!
